Conflict Resolution: Why Feedback Sandwiches Don't Work

Many techniques are taught to mitigate conflict. One of them is the “feedback sandwich.” You start with something positive, then tell the other person what you really want them to know, and then soften the blow by ending with something positive. You might say, “Hey Joe, thanks for coming in. You look great, and I love how you always dress so professionally. I also want you to know that you suck at your job, and this may not work out. But don’t worry, we all love the deserts you bring to the staff potluck dinners.” 

While there are many ways this statement could be delivered more skillfully, the feedback sandwich does not work. When developmental feedback is given, people just want to know what it is. It is hard to soften the blow in that exchange.

That said, it is critical that people feel valued. If they are valued and know it, giving constructive feedback is much easier. When we know that we are valued, we are much more open to also hearing about the things we may need to work on. However, if employees have not received regular positive feedback throughout their work history, the feedback sandwich will not help. They will probably get defensive when hearing the message. And if they have received regular positive feedback, the sandwich isn’t necessary. They know they are an important part of the team and probably work to overcome their weaknesses.

So rather than rely on a technique to soften the blow of constructive feedback, find ongoing, authentic ways to let your employees know you value them. If you do this, you are golden, and you won’t have to worry about any techniques to help you.

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