regeneration-resources

Three Types of Conflict Leaders Face

Wed, 18 Feb 2026 17:12:28 GMT

And How to Respond to Each

Eight Generational Value Clashes

Sun, 01 Feb 2026 17:58:31 GMT

Where Cross Generational Communication Gets Stuck

Overused Strengths are Weaknesses

Mon, 03 Nov 2025 13:31:29 GMT

Be Aware of What the Situation Requires

What is Your Conflict Time Orientation?

Tue, 28 Oct 2025 20:02:56 GMT

The Past is Blame, Solutions are in the Future

When people are stuck in conflict, they are usually stuck in the past. Past experiences or pain shape how they perceive the present and how they respond to others. Discussions about current realities are often derailed when one party brings up unresolved past events that are not always relevant to the present.

A key to resolving conflict is to be in the present to shape the future you want. What happened yesterday is not as important as what you want to have happen tomorrow. While you may disagree on what really happened yesterday, the reality is that neither party can change it. It is possible, however, to change what you create in the future.

If you are stuck in a conflict, try to let go of the past and get clear on what you want to create in the present and the future. While letting go can be hard, hanging on to the past can be even harder.

Try These 4 Easy Ways to Prioritize Your SWOT

Tue, 15 Jul 2025 15:50:05 GMT

Covey's Four Quadrant Matrix

How to Manage Time Like a Pro

Tue, 08 Jul 2025 14:57:44 GMT

Covey's Four Quadrant Matrix

A Great Framework For Change

Fri, 27 Jun 2025 11:43:33 GMT

In this post I discuss the book 'Switch' by Chip and Dan Heath, focusing on a unique framework for **change management**. This framework, applicable to both social and organizational **change**, uses the metaphor of a person riding an elephant on a path.

Working with Differing Perceptions of What Always Happens

Tue, 24 Jun 2025 15:56:07 GMT

The Secret Behind "Always" and "Never" in Conflicts

What My Dentist Taught Me About Being A Leader

Fri, 20 Jun 2025 13:46:44 GMT

Don't Miss This Great Leadership Question

8 Key Principles of Meeting Facilitation

Thu, 19 Jun 2025 12:01:13 GMT

In this video l shares some effective tips on how to facilitate better meetings. Discover some great facilitation tips and facilitation techniques for conducting productive meetings. Learn how to have effective meetings and improve your facilitator skills so that your meetings are engaging and full of energy.

Working with Differing Perceptions of What Should Happened

Tue, 17 Jun 2025 13:07:18 GMT

Differing Beliefs As To What Should Happen

Tips for Working with Differing Perceptions of What Happened

Tue, 17 Jun 2025 13:04:06 GMT

The "What Happened" Conversation

How Perception Impacts Conflict Resolution: An Overview

Thu, 16 Jan 2025 14:56:55 GMT

Four Levels of Perception

The Power of Acknowledgements

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 18:45:05 GMT

"I'm sorry", Doesn't Mean It's all Your Fault

In difficult conversations, what most of us want, more than anything, is to be listened to and acknowledged. Nothing has more power to de-escalate a conflict than a genuine acknowledgment by the other person. So, what makes acknowledgment so hard?

We have been taught that acknowledging the other person’s perspective means that they are right and we are wrong. Many of us resist acknowledging the other because we think it means admitting fault. Unwilling to assume blame, we sometimes use pseudo acknowledgments like, “I’m sorry you felt that way,” which is usually heard as, “This had nothing to do with me, or my actions, but too bad for you.” Pseudo-acknowledgments often make matters worse.

The key to giving a gneuine acknowledgement lies in recognizing that while it may not have been our intentions, our actions do sometimes have a negative impact on others. So, you might try to say something like, "While it was not my intention, I can understand how that could have been hard for you." This does not imply that you are to blame. But it does acknowledge that your actions impacted the other person--even if unintentionally. A simple acknowledgement like this can save you from a long, protracted battle.

Training Testimonial

Thu, 02 Jan 2025 18:00:15 GMT

From The Richards Group

DiSC Platform Overview

Mon, 01 Jul 2024 15:29:49 GMT

How DiSC can Help Your Individual and Team Development

Training Introduction

Mon, 01 Jul 2024 15:26:06 GMT

How DiSC can Help Your Individual and Team Development

Separating Intentions from Impact

Thu, 15 Feb 2024 15:29:11 GMT

A Key Tool to Get Unstuck

Recently, I led a training session about generational differences, during which the Baby Boomer generation described themselves as valuing open-mindedness. The Millennial group said something to the effect of, “We don’t always experience you that way.” This led the Boomers to say, “We never said we were perfect,” and then give a long-winded explanation about the progress their generation had made. The Millennials did not need this explanation, and neither group felt heard.

This simple exchange highlights the importance of separating intentions from impact. We all have a double standard in terms of how we judge. We judge ourselves based on our good intentions. The Boomer group does value open-mindedness and judges itself on its positive intentions. However, others judge us by our impact regardless of our intentions. Explaining good intentions does not mitigate negative impact. In fact, it keeps others from feeling heard and usually makes things worse.

In my conflict management work, I frequently hear people say, “I didn’t mean it that way.” They are clarifying their intentions. There is nothing wrong with that—unless they stop there. People really need to hear, “But I can see how you would have taken it that way, and I’m really sorry it landed on you that way.” Frequently, “I didn’t mean it that way” is code for “Get over it.” When this is true, it almost always makes things worse.

So, rather than explaining good intentions, it is generally much more effective and powerful to own our impact on others.

Being Right Does Not Make You Effective

Fri, 26 Jan 2024 18:58:41 GMT

Learning Soft Skills Can Be Hard

In my executive coaching work, I have crossed paths with many smart leaders. They tend to be excellent problem-solvers who can figure out almost anything. Problem-solving skills often gets these people promoted and into leadership. And yet, when a strength is overused, it can become a weakness. Or, to quote the title of a book, “What got you here won’t get you there.” The right answer is sometimes not enough.

I recently coached a mid-level IT professional who was excellent at his job. He had great technical skills and could solve most IT problems. He was smart, and he thought of himself as smart. This, in and of itself, was not a problem. The problem came when he discussed IT strategy with the Executive Team or other peers who had issues. In these conversations, my client was overconfident in his answers. People did not experience him as really listening to the problem. The executive team did not perceive him to understand the big picture. Because people did not experience him as really listening to the issues or understanding their problems, he struggled to build buy-in to his solutions. His solutions may have been technically sound, but people resisted them making him, at times, ineffective.

His technical skills were brilliant, but his soft skills were weak. And soft skills are often the hardest.

My work helps leaders develop soft skills and increase effectiveness.

Feeback Sandwiches Part II: What Does Work

Fri, 15 Dec 2023 15:51:06 GMT

One Sentence That Makes Feedback More Successful

I have written before about how the feedback sandwich doesn’t work. In a recent article, Wharton organizational psychologist and author Adam Grant agrees, but he also cites some research on what works better.

"The feedback sandwich doesn't work," Grant told CNBC Make It. "It does not taste as good as it looks." In a feedback sandwich, someone delivers a piece of criticism between two positive observations, attempting to make the reprimand more palatable. You might start by complimenting your colleague's work ethic, delivering a criticism about their tardiness, and then praising their overall work quality.

According to one survey, eighty-six percent of U.S. workers have received a feedback sandwich, and 95% have given one. But they do not lead to better performance than simple corrections or no feedback at all. The main problem with the approach, Grant says, is that If the recipient focuses on the criticism, they'll forget all about the praise.

That's especially true for people who have gotten feedback sandwiches before, because the moment they hear the praise, they start anticipating the criticism. It makes the compliments feel insincere like they're only there to "soften the blow," says Grant.

The 1 sentence you should use instead:

If you have some criticism to deliver, don't try to hide or mask it, says Grant. Preface it with a single sentence: "I'm giving you these comments because I have very high expectations and I know that you can reach them. "

It comes from Grant's "favorite experiment," a 2013 study conducted by researchers at Stanford. In the study, students who were given feedback with that one sentence were more likely to implement the suggested changes than any other students.

"The most important communication of information in your feedback happens before you give the content of the feedback," Grant explained. You don't have to use those exact words, he added — as long as you can show the other person that your intent is to help them improve, not to attack them. Or, as he says now: "It's surprisingly easy to hear a hard truth when it comes from someone who believes in your potential and cares about your success."

High-Functioning Team Checklist

Fri, 17 Nov 2023 12:55:27 GMT

What Great Teams Do

1. Purpose

a. Team Goals, Purpose, and Vision are Clear

b. The mission of the team is meaningful and inspiring

2. Relationships and Communication

a. Team members listen to each other

b. Team members express opinions honestly

c. Team members trust each other and can be vulnerable and authentic, even with mistakes

d. All opinions are valued

e. Advocacy and inquiry are balanced

3. Role Clarity and Flexibility

a. Roles are clear yet flexible enough to accommodate individual skills

b. Everyone contributes

4. Decision making

a. A clear decision-making process exists

b. Decisions are made at the lowest level of competence

c. Decisions are made efficiently

d. Major decisions are not made without gathering input from the group

5. Recognition

a. Individuals are appreciated and recognized

b. Group members feel respected

6. Morale

a. Team members feel good about the team

7. Group Process

a. Group members commit to correcting group process issues

b. Members accept feedback easily about both their strengths and challenges

c. Air time is balanced

d. Group process is occasionally evaluated

Conflict Prevention Through Setting Boundaries

Mon, 24 Jul 2023 18:55:03 GMT

How Setting Boundaries Can Help You Prevent Sticky Conflicts

Many of the conflicts I work with have to do with boundary setting.

When people do not assert their own needs or rights or take on every asserted desire of others, their boundaries are too loose. Loose boundaries may be due to a fear of conflict, failure, rejection or disapproval, making a mistake, hurting others’ feelings, or repercussions. Loose boundaries lead to resentment and frustration. When boundaries are too loose, people are trying hard to meet the needs of others, whose needs may not be controllable or possible to meet, and not communicating or trying to meet your own needs.

When people always assert their desires and are rarely influenced by the needs and desires of others, their boundaries are too tight. Tight boundaries may be due to a fear of giving up control, looking incompetent, or failing. Tight boundaries lead to isolation and alienation. When we don’t let any other issues influence us, we create resentment in others, and we miss access to data that might be useful.

Setting appropriate boundaries means balancing your needs with the needs of others. It means you have the ability and the right to say “no” to those things that aren’t right for you, but also that you don’t habitually say “no” all of the time.

If you need help setting boundaries, try some of the following suggestions:

1. Visualize what the situation will feel like if you continue not to set boundaries. Consider how the situation will continue to drain your energy. Is that what you want?

2. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen?”

3. Explore the thing you fear most and why that is so fearful to you.

4. Find people who will support you in setting boundaries

5. Practice what you will say beforehand.

Adapted from Setting and Maintaining Boundaries with Others by Mark Sachs & Associates. www.markasachs.com

Conflict Management: 11 Strategies to Deal with Impasse

Thu, 13 Jul 2023 14:56:01 GMT

How to Help People Get Unstuck

What follows are some ways to work with people who seem to be at an impasse in conflict. While sometimes people would rather be stuck than resolve it in a way that concedes anything, there are other times when the skills of a neutral mediator can help parties move parties forward. If you are working with others in conflict, here are some strategies to try.

Back away from trying to solve it and explore what is getting in the way of resolution. Often impasse arises because the helper is trying to move the conflictual parties along before they feel understood and are ready to move forward. Acknowledge their feelings.
Ask more questions. Specifically, ask hypothetical questions and questions that explore their interests.
Try to meet with parties separately. Reflect back what you hear as their interests and emotions.
If they wanted to mediate, return to their goals for choosing mediation.
Ask them what will happen if they don’t solve the problem. Ask if the unresolved outcome is preferable to a resolved outcome.
Help them separate their observations from their conclusions (“So when you saw x, you took it to mean y?”).
Invite them to take on the role of the other by asking them what they think the other person needs from them or why they think the other person would want to accept their idea.
Look for common ground and ask very broad questions that explore it. (“So what is it like for the two of you to work in the same office every day, given things are so tense between you?”). The common ground almost always exists but is usually unstated (and unseen). Acknowledging this can help the parties begin to work together against the problem.
Ask what they want to do next (i.e., don’t feel responsible for solving it).
Ask, “Do you think you can convince them to accept your idea?”
Ask the parties what would have to happen for them to consider an alternative to their one solution or demand.

Team Building Basics: Keys to Making Good Decisions Together

Fri, 23 Jun 2023 18:20:51 GMT

Decision Making Disciplines, Commitments, and Processes

Key Disciplines

Assumption: Groups fragment, and conflict erupts not so much from disagreement but rather from people not feeling heard. Therefore, any decision-making process will be frustrating to a group unless the group commits to practicing disciplines of communication. The group process goes beyond decision-making.

· Active listening

· Summarizing

· Inquiry and seeking information

· Noticing feelings in the group

· Paraphrasing

· Asking clarifying questions

· Seeking information

· Giving process suggestions (once the content that is being talked about is decided, the group --or facilitator-- still needs to figure out how to talk about it, i.e. brainstorm, prioritize lists, comparison grids)

· Begin and end meetings on time

· Have the scribe read back decisions at the end of meetings

Key Commitments

Assumption: Pressure to decide often keeps groups from communicating well and fully understanding each other. This is especially problematic around key decisions.

It is critical that the group commit to taking time to understand each other’s ideas before deciding. This means committing to giving difficult decisions enough time, ideally at two different meetings, to separate the phase of understanding each other and the implications of certain decisions from the phase of actually making the decisions.

Key Processes

Who makes decisions and how are they made?

To decide this, consider how the group will be structured. Will there be a leadership team that will do some of the work in a small group? If so, will there be some decisions that you want the leadership team to handle?

Decision-Making Options

Voting

Advantages: Quick and decisive. Efficient. Best for low stake decisions
Disadvantages: This leaves winners and losers who may not enthusiastically support the decisions.

Supermajority

Advantages: Quick and decisive and builds in some safeguards against low investment in implementing the decision.
Disadvantages: Leaves winners and losers

Consensus

Advantages: Best for high-stakes decisions as it ensures high buy-in after a decision is made.
Disadvantages: It can be time-consuming

Levels of consensus

Advantages: Shortens the time consensus can take while still giving everyone a voice. Its strength lies in not framing the decision as a yes/no vote but in allowing the group to read where it falls on a continuum of support.
Disadvantages: While less time-consuming than consensus, getting everyone on board still requires a time investment.

What is Healthy Conflict?

Fri, 02 Jun 2023 16:08:57 GMT

How to Avoid Artificial Harmony

Using the DiSC Model to Support Team Building

Mon, 22 May 2023 15:48:24 GMT

How DiSC can Help Your Individual and Team Development

Strategic Planning: Writing a Good Vision Statement

Fri, 19 May 2023 14:04:50 GMT

7 Mistakes to Avoid

Most strategic plans include updating the mission and vision statements. While these might seem like straightforward tasks, a lot can go wrong. While good vision statements are clear, concise, and inspiring, it is easier to get a clear and inspiring paragraph (not concise) or inspiring but fuzzy (For example, “We are going to delight our customers every day in every way” sounds good, but what does it really mean?). Here is a list of the seven most common mistakes to avoid in developing a vision statement.

1. Making it too long. Typically, if it is more than a sentence, people won’t remember it. And a compound run-on sentence is not a workaround. Keep it short.

2. Including data to prove the vision is needed. Data is not inspiring.

3. Including fuzzy language that sounds good.

4. Using clear language that is too technical or bureaucratic. “Improving the liquidity ratio by 15% over the next 18 months” might be a good SMART goal, but it is not a vision.

5. Including language that is both fuzzy and uninspiring. I once had a client whose vision was to build “decent housing”. “Decent” is neither clear nor inspiring.

6. Forgetting who the vision is for. While on the one hand, it is for employees; if it doesn’t inspire customers, it may not be the right vision.

7. Not speaking to people’s emotions. People are motivated by emotions, not facts.

9 Ways to Build Engagement and a Positive Culture

Wed, 03 May 2023 17:29:16 GMT

Creating a Great Culture to Work

Every employer wants to have a positive culture and an engaged workforce. Like many things in life, building a positive culture is simple, but not easy. Here is my list of what is required to accomplish that.

· Let employees know they matter by

o Listening to them

o Thanking them

o Developing them

o Taking a personal interest in them

o As much as possible, giving them work that plays to their strengths

o Giving them as much autonomy as possible

· Hold everyone accountable to clear standards and expectations

· Own your own mistakes and make it safe for others to do so

· Have leaders invest in developing their own emotional intelligence

What would you add to this list? Email me your thoughts.

A Change Management Fable: The Cost of Ignoring the People Side of Change

Wed, 29 Mar 2023 14:57:29 GMT

The Cost of Ignoring the People Side of Change

The following fable illustrates the cost of ignoring the people side of change. When reading it, think about what you would do differently to increase the project’s effectiveness.

The Rest of the Tall Tale

On an island village, there once lived an ambitious sailor, the finest sea Captain in all the land. He approached the King with a vision for a new type of sailing vessel, one that moved at great speeds even without the wind. The captain described this new vessel and claimed that with a 100-man crew, he could save an entire day on the trip to the mainland. The King approved of the captain’s plan and chartered a single ship. He promised the captain three attempts at the mainland crossing with 1,000 gold coins for every hour saved on the voyage.

The captain hired the best craftsmen and shipbuilders. Each month he returned to the King to report on his progress and to borrow more money. He was growing heavy with debt. The first month he required 10,000 gold coins, 5,000 the second month, and 4,000 the third month. By the fourth month, the ship was complete.

The townspeople milled around the dock in wonder at the new vessel. Some scoffed, saying that water would just run into those holes in the side. Others asked why the sails were so small if this was to be a faster ship. The captain, proud of his accomplishment, was running into similar skepticism. He had anticipated excitement about the new design with sailors eager to join his crew but instead was met with half-hearted and reluctant responses from his potential mates.

After sitting idle for a month, the captain made his first run to the mainland with only 20 of the 100 oars manned on the new ship. His time was still faster than the older sailing ships, but only by four hours.

The captain began asking all of the villagers to join him on his venture. He explained how the ship worked and why this new type of vessel would one day rule the sea and make them a stronger kingdom. He talked of the riches awaiting the bravest among them.

On his second run the following month, he had 60 in his crew. Still short more than 40 rowers and struggling with the constant bungling and banging together of the oars, the captain saved only seven hours on the trip to the mainland.

The King was beginning to take interest in the captain’s vision. He could see the long-term benefit for his entire realm. He personally recruited a full crew for the ship on the third journey. The captain also added a boy beating a drum at the bow of the boat to improve the tempo of the rowers. On the third attempt one month later, the 100-strong crew, rowing in rhythm, saved more than one full day on the trip to the mainland.

Upon return, the captain was celebrated by the entire island population, and the Viking ship of this design dominated the oceans for generations to come. [1]

This fable represents what frequently happens in change project. It is assumed that the “soft side” of change is not important, and all of the attention is given to the technical solution (the product) and the process to achieve it (project management). But the people are ignored.

In fact, for the first four months, the crew is completely ignored. And when they are communicated with, no one tells them what’s in it for them. It is assumed that they will be excited about a change in the sailing industry. Yet we all know it doesn’t work that way. Additionally, no training is offered to the crew that might allow them to learn the new system. Those who sign up learn by trial and error. It is only at the end that a drummer is added to help them row in unison. Finally, the King (or Executive Sponsor) does not talk to the villagers directly. He seems uninterested or unaware that his voice might help build buy in. Or perhaps he is just too busy with other kingly duties. Regardless, his lack of engagement is a lost opportunity.

What other mistakes can you identify?

[1] Hiatt, J. (2008). Shipbuilder or leader of change? Paper presented at PMI® Global Congress 2008—North America, Denver, CO. Newtown Square, PA: Project Management Institute.

Using Narrative Mediation to Manage Conflict

Thu, 23 Mar 2023 13:57:23 GMT

How to Change Stories to Resolve Conflict

Often when parties in a conflict are stuck and entrenched, they are attached to one narrative about the other person. They then see everything through the lens of that narrative. In these cases, the role of the mediator is to deconstruct that narrative subtly. Here are some questions that can help change the narrative in entrenched conflicts.

Hopes for the Future

Do you have the motivation to make a shift?
What is the type of relationship you would like to have?
If you could change this pattern, what would be possible?
If you could deal with each other with respect like you are here, what would be possible that is not now?
Are you willing to continue adjusting to the growing deterioration of trust, or are you interested in doing some damage control by building some trust?
Is there anything from back then that can give you hope that you will be able to find your way out of the current difficulties?

What’s Not Broken

What have things been like when you haven’t been in crisis?
Was there a time when things were different before this problem came along?
It sounds like the conflict has led you into saying and doing things that have been quite painful. I was wondering about how you have handled these issues in your best moment.
Have you experienced any lulls in the dispute when things have gone better for a time?

The Impact of the Conflict

Are there ways the conflict has gotten you to act out of character?
What does not trusting lead to?
How stressful is all of this?
How much are you in charge, and how much does blame have its own way?

Meaning Making

What does he asking you to do that mean to you?
How do you make sense of the fact that you are both able to work together so well here?
Help me understand the significance of . . .
What are your ideas about how people should behave in these circumstances? Where did you get those ideas?
What are your views about . . ..?
How significant is it that . . ?
If you feel that trust has been violated, on the basis of what principle do you make that judgment?
Does that make a difference?

Making the Conflict the Problem

So things are going pretty well, and then this crisis comes up and creates hell for both of you. It deteriorates your ability to communicate and makes it hard to trust?
What did this argument get you thinking about the other person?
What role has blame played in the continuation of the conflict?
To what extent do you think the blame is stopping you from resolving this?

13 Ways to Increase Urgency for Change Efforts

Wed, 15 Mar 2023 19:52:21 GMT

To Manage Change, Build Urgency

David Gleicher’s change formula states that if people do not feel enough dissatisfaction with the status quo, they won’t change. And Jon Kotter, in his book, Leading Change, said the first step in leading change efforts is to increase urgency. In this post, I give you some of Kotter’s (p.44) ideas on how to increase urgency.

1. Stop minimizing issues and “happy talk” so that people feel better. It increases denial.

2. Discuss the risk of the status quo.

3. Make errors more visible.

4. Remind managers of the competitive weaknesses of the organization.

5. Hire consultants who can more easily point out weaknesses.

6. Discuss industry giants who lost everything overnight.

7. Educate employees on how their personal performance is tied to the organization’s performance and “stop measuring sub-unit performance based on narrow functional goals.”

8. Tie compensation to product performance (as opposed to functional performance)

9. Make sure employee goals are related to business goals.

10. “Develop performance feedback that comes from customer satisfaction.”

11. Minimize feedback delays and insist that feedback is regularly received from customers, suppliers, shareholders and other potentially disgruntled stakeholders.

12. “Allow” a crisis by not bailing people out.

13. “Put more honest discussion of the firm’s problems in the company newsletter.”

14 Reasons People Resistance Change

Mon, 06 Mar 2023 17:44:07 GMT

To Manage Change, Understand Resistance

In responding to resistance to change, it can be helpful for leaders to remember why people resist. Here are fourteen reasons.

1. The change is a bad idea. Front-line workers see things leaders don’t, and it won’t work.

2. The change may help the organization but somehow negatively impact employees.

3. The change will involve a lot of work (this is almost always true), and leaders are downplaying that.

4. There is no dissatisfaction with the status quo. If it ain’t broke, why fix it?

5. No one has communicated why it is essential and a vision of where things are going.

6. No one has taken the time to get employee feedback. Many of us oppose change we have no input into.

7. The history of organizational change is not positive. People don’t believe this one will be any different.

8. Because leaders have not owned past change failures, they are not trusted.

9. People don’t believe they will have the resources or support to learn new skills.

10. People are afraid of not being competent or having value in the new organization.

11. People are overwhelmed and tired and can’t handle another change.

12. The change makes their job feel “out of control.”

13. People believe that the proposed change is the “flavor of the month” and will go away soon. The lack of leadership presence on the change team strengthens this.

14. Communication about the change is only trying to “sell the vision.” It doesn’t take into account people’s emotions. Resistance is always emotional. The “right” answer is never enough.

15 Strategies to Manage Resistance to Change

Thu, 02 Mar 2023 14:52:37 GMT

Fifteen Strategies to Deal with Resistance

1. Don’t view all resistance as negative. Sometimes people on the front lines see things leaders don’t.

2. Remember that resistance is expected. You can’t get rid of it.

3. Remember that people will resist “good ideas” because “good ideas” are about the company, and resistance is about how the change will impact people.

4. Therefore, remember that “the right answer” will never be enough. Resistance is about workers’ anxiety.

5. Be authentic. If the chance will require sacrifice, say so. Becoming a used car salesman will only make it worse.

6. Listen. Mostly people want to know that leaders “get i.”.

7. Create feedback loops so you can hear about resistance as soon as possible.

8. Listen some more. Ask people what they are really worried about.

9. Communicate and customize messaging to address people’s concerns.

10. Create a vision of where you are going. Keep the vision clear, concise, and inspiring.

11. Negotiate what you can. Often the fact that the change is happening is not negotiable, but the timing of it and the level of support are.

12. Invest in training and support so that people can be successful in new roles.

13. Hold people accountable to new standards and outcomes.

14. Communicate some more.

15. Thank people for their hard work.

Can the Q-12 Transform Your Workplace?

Tue, 21 Feb 2023 13:27:58 GMT

How to Engage Employees to Build Strong Teams

Conflict Management: Getting to Win-Win

Fri, 17 Feb 2023 14:25:22 GMT

Managing Conflict so Everyone Wins

4 Types of Trust: The Foundation of Team Building

Fri, 10 Feb 2023 16:14:36 GMT

Team Building Basics

Someone once said, “Trust is like the air that we breathe. You don’t notice it unless it is missing.” And in my consulting work, when I’m helping groups manage conflict and change, it is often missing. So we have to be able to rebuild trust. But before we can even do that, we need to get clear on what is meant by “trust.”

I believe there are at least four types of trust. Sometimes when people talk about trust, they mean competency trust. Competency trust is about people knowing how to do things. It is about being good at your job. A second kind of trust is credibility trust. Credibility is about follow-through. It is about doing what you say you are going to do. Most leaders trust supervisees who are competent and credible.

However, as you look up the chain of command, people want a different type of trust from leaders. A third type of trust that people want from their supervisors is caring trust. Caring trust means you matter to leaders. You are more than a cog in the wheel. You are not invisible. People care about you and value you and your contribution. Additionally, employees want leaders to show vulnerability trust. Vulnerability allows leaders (and therefore everyone) to be authentic and own mistakes. They can say, “I’m sorry,” “My bad,” and “That didn’t work.”

Demonstrating caring and vulnerability trust is not rocket science. Caring trust is built through leaders taking the time to listen to employees, investing in developing them. Caring trust is shown by bringing coffee and donuts to work sometimes and by saying, “Thanks.” It is not rocket science. But often leaders get so busy they forget that people need to be seen and valued. And when people are seen and valued and feel cared for, it is much easier for leaders to manage conflict and performance and difficult conversations. Conversely, when people do not feel valued, it is almost impossible to have successful difficult conversations.

Building trust is one of the most important things that leaders (and consultants) can do. And people rarely tell leaders when they are not trusted. Therefore, leaders who ignore trust do so to their own detriment.

How Knowing Teachable Moments can Help You Succeed

Wed, 01 Feb 2023 19:14:22 GMT

When is Training a Good Solution

How Not to Get Hooked in Diversity Conversations

Thu, 12 Jan 2023 19:30:53 GMT

How to Reframe Feedback to Avoid Defensiveness

In my work with clients around diversity and creating a respectful workplace, we often discuss how everyone perceives reality differently. Things that are offensive to some people are not offensive to others. This is due to many factors, including different experiences, histories, and styles. New Englanders often describe themselves as having thick skin, with little upsetting them. People generally don’t have a hard time understanding that we are all different.

The challenge is applying it. We often think that 1) if something doesn’t impact or bother us, others should not care either, and 2) if something does impact us negatively, it is due to a character flaw in others as opposed to differences. A critical part of learning to have difficult conversations, especially around diversity issues, is to hold two different realities simultaneously. It is both true that I am not bothered with this thing happens and that you are bothered. This doesn’t mean that I am “uncaring” or “flawed,” nor does it mean that you are ”too sensitive” or “emotional.” It just means that we are different.

When people tell us that they are bothered or offended by something we did, we tend to hear it as “I did something wrong.” If we could hear it as “this person is different from me,” we might be able to respond more openly and less defensively. Usually, things don’t break down with the first act or words where one person offends the other. Conversations go south when people try to speak up, and the other party gets defensive and blame shifts (i.e., “you are too sensitive”). This is because when someone tells us they are hurt or offended by something, defensiveness feels dismissive--it communicates that we don’t care about hurting others.

The solution to diversity is not trying to please everyone or saying everything perfectly. This will never happen. The solution is to genuinely care when someone tells us we offended them and to thank them for letting us know. We can do this better when we hear this feedback as “we are different” instead of “I did something wrong.”

Conflict Management Tips: Learn Your Identity Triggers

Wed, 21 Dec 2022 13:17:39 GMT

Resolving Conflicts by Focusing on Meaning Creation

Someone once said that people are “meaning making machines.” We are constantly interpreting reality and confusing that interpretation with “truth.” This is especially true in conflicts. One of the sub-texts in a conflict is that people are almost always wondering, “What are they saying, or what do they think about me? Am I competent? Am I loved? Am I worthy of love?

In the book, Difficult Conversations , authors Shelia Heene, Doug Patton, and Bruce Stone argue that one of the ways to manage our identity conversation is to complexify our identity. In other words, if we have a black-and-white identity, we are more likely to get defensive and have our identity conversation triggered than if we have a more nuanced identity. For example, if I think I am the best consultant on this side of the Mississippi, and a client gives me some feedback about one of my projects that is less than 100% positive, I will probably get defensive because the feedback does not match with my self-identity. However, if I think of myself as a good and competent consultant who is not always perfect, I am likelier to listen to difficult feedback. My identity conversation is less likely to get triggered.

Managing our assumptions , especially assumptions about our identity, is a key to good emotional intelligence and conflict management.

Strategic Planning Time Horizons

Mon, 12 Dec 2022 12:24:06 GMT

How Long Should A Strategic Plan Last?

Many organizations, especially risk-averse ones, waste time by adding unnecessary levels of approval. While this may add checks and balances and helps to ensure high-quality work, it is at the cost of efficiency. Checking with a supervisor before making even the most basic decisions can also become a part of the organizational culture. When staff feels disempowered to make decisions, time is wasted, and bottlenecks form at the top of the organizational chart. Furthermore, front-line workers feel discouraged that they don’t have the trust to do their jobs, and supervisors are overwhelmed with unnecessary approvals.

Generally, decisions should be made at the lowest level of competency. This empowers staff to do their job, prevents delays, and does not overwhelm leaders. If you feel too many layers of approval are needed to get simple things done, apply the “lowest level of competency” rule. Ask staff if they believe decisions are made at the lowest level possible, and if not, which ones need less layers of approval. If this risk aversion has become a part of your culture, change management work may be necessary to address it.

12 Tips for Starting Difficult Conversations

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Mon, 05 Dec 2022 13:57:15 GMT

Many people avoid difficult conversations because they don't want to make them worse. They want to start a conversation but don't want to start a fight. This vlog (2:57) gives 12 opening lines for starting difficult conversations.

Conflict Management Tips: Allow Everyone to Save Face

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Tue, 22 Nov 2022 13:46:09 GMT

Why Making Others Look Good Helps You Resolve Conflict

How to Improve Efficiency by Eliminating Unneeded Approvals

Thu, 17 Nov 2022 12:50:14 GMT

Making Decisions at the Lowest Level of Competence

Conflict Management Tips: What is BATNA?

Thu, 10 Nov 2022 14:37:06 GMT

How to Resolve Conflict Through Leveraging BATNA

BATNA stands for, “Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement”. It is a tool for assessing why someone in a negotiation is either willing to settle (sometimes prematurely) or unwilling to settle (sometimes to their own detriment). The framework suggests that someone’s willingness to settle depends, in part, on how they view the alternative to settling. For example, if I think the alternative to settling on a negotiated agreement is that I go to court and win even more, I probably won’t want to agree to a settlement. Conversely, if I don’t think I have other options, I may settle for something that I don’t really like or want.

For a mediator, this framework can help them support the parties and craft more long-lasting solutions. If a party in a conflict feels they have a good BATNA, the mediator may encourage them to get a second opinion just to be sure. Conversely, if someone is settling for a sub-optimal outcome, the mediator might brainstorm alternatives with them or help them think of new options. This would typically be done in a private, one-on-one meeting without the other party. The mediator must be careful to stay neutral in these conversations. But if either party misjudges their BATNA, the outcome will not be a positive one. Reality-checking each party's BATNA is a key conflict resolution tool.

See more Conflict Management Blogs and Vlogs

Our 13 Best Executive Coaching Questions

Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:33:26 GMT

Executive Coaching Questions for Leaders

Questions that gather information and build trust

Are often open questions
“Can you give me an example of that?”
“Can you tell me more about your view of ________?”
“What role might you play in this situation?”

Questions that explore interests

Help coaches understand what is most important
“Can you help me understand why that is important to you?”
“What concerns you about this situation?”
“How does _____affect you?”

Questions that help explore solutions

Should not lead the receiver to your solutions
“What have you tried, and how did it work?”
“What other things might you try?”
“What would make this idea more acceptable to you?”

Reality Checking Questions

Help explore the outcomes that they are talking about
“Why do you think the result will be different if you do nothing different?”
“What might be the problems with this idea?”
“If you can’t resolve this here today, how will that impact you?”

Questions that Pose Dilemmas

Help the coach not feel responsible for solving the problem
“So your dilemma is that you like this job a lot, and you make a good living at it, but you are unsure if you can continue because you don’t feel respected. Is that correct?”

The Art of Leadership: Balancing Advocacy with Inquiry

Wed, 26 Oct 2022 17:25:50 GMT

Executive Coaching Tips for Leaders

Good leadership is about, in part, knowing how to balance advocacy and inquiry. People move into leadership due to being good problem solvers. We reward people for knowing the answer. Yet the further up in leadership that people go, the more complex the issues and the less likely that one perspective alone will suffice. Too much advocacy shuts down communication. And no one likes a “know-it-all.”

In my Executive Coaching work, I have found many leaders can advocate, but inquiry is the harder skill for leaders to master. And without curiosity and good listening skills , it is hard for leaders to succeed. So here are two skills I teach leaders and some examples of each.

1. When advocating, soften the delivery by making your thinking clear and inviting feedback. Some examples of this might be:

a. “Here’s what I think, and here’s how I got there.”

b. “I assumed that…”

c. “I came to this conclusion because…”

d. “Do you see any flaws in my reasoning?”

2. Spend less time advocating and more time asking questions. Some examples might be:

a. “Do you see it differently?”

b. “What leads you to conclude that?”

c. “Can you help me understand your thinking here?”

d. “Am I correct that you are saying…”

e. “What are some of the facts that inform your thinking?”

20 Tools Mediators Use to Solve Problems

Thu, 20 Oct 2022 20:18:55 GMT

How Mediators Help Parties in Problem Solving

Many people informally “mediate” disputes. They are looking to increase their toolbox of mediation skills. In general, mediators support the people, lead the process, and help the parties solve the problems. In this blog, I have twenty specific tools mediators use to help the parties solve the problem.

1. Coaching them in private meetings—it is easier to ask hard questions in one-on-one sessions with clients.

2. Expanding the pie-- (i.e., rather than solely focus on money, add timing of payments, type of payments, and other considerations).

3. Brainstorming Options—this is a simple process tool that should not be forgotten.

4. Agreements in Principle—high-level agreements pave the way for more detailed agreements. If the parties agree to anything in principle, naming it for the parties helps them keep the momentum.

5. Testing for Agreements—if the mediator thinks the parties agree on something, he/she should ask them to verify the agreement.

6. Homework or the use of outside experts—when something in the mediation session is not known, assigning homework or finding a neutral expert to get the answer are good next steps.

7. Reality Testing—If an agreement doesn’t seem like it will work to the mediator, he/she should explore it directly. The mediator might say, “This proposal seems similar to the one you tried a few months ago and did not work. What do you think will be different this time?”

8. Exploring the Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement (BATNA)—If the parties think the alternative to a negotiated agreement is good, they won’t be very invested in the negotiation. If the alternative is poor, they may agree to something that is not optimal. Exploring this with parties is a strategy to build more buy-in and strengthen agreements

9. Chunk problems down into smaller problems—Most complex problems are solved in small steps. Taking too big of a step often leads to frustration and failure. Therefore, a key mediation tool is to identify the next small step for the parties to take.

10. Develop an objective standard—For example, in a divorce mediation, “The best interests of the children” may be an objective standard the parties can agree to.

11. Prioritize issues—If there are many issues on the table, prioritizing them can help the parties get started.

12. Set something aside -- Agreeing to come back to something later can help keep the parties focused now.

13. Invite the parties to develop a proposal—it is always easier to discuss what won’t work than what could work. Having parties propose what could work is inviting them to come up with solutions.

14. Point out common ground – most conflicts center on where parties disagree. Identifying areas of agreement and common ground can lay the foundation for an agreement.

15. Gently explore assumptions—we all make meaning of our worlds. Exploring assumptions (without blame) helps disentangle facts from assumptions.

16. Keep a future focus –while mediators will need to know a bit about how the parties got stuck, solutions are always in the future. The past will not help solve the issue, and many attempts at mediation spend too much time talking about what happened as opposed to what’s next.

17. Tracking multiple issues—If there are multiple things going on, mediators much keep the parties focused on a few of them while tracking all of them.

18. Highlighting positive progress—remembering successes can help build hope.

19. Using time (“you are almost out of time”)—it is amazing how many times a “5-minute warning” can motivate someone to make a useful proposal.

20. Redefining terms (“what do you mean by the weekend?”)—Don’t assume terms have one meaning. Pushing the boundaries of what terms means can open the door to solutions.

Conflict Resolution Tips: 9 Ways Mediators Control the Process

Thu, 13 Oct 2022 21:04:08 GMT

How Mediators Control the Process to Manage Conflict

Many people informally “mediate” disputes. They are looking to increase their toolbox of mediation skills. In general, mediators support the people, lead the process, and help the parties solve the problems. In this blog, I have nine specific tools mediators use to control the process.

1. Identify Positions and Interests : Most people start negotiating from a positional win/lose perspective. In other words, they start with a solution without stating the reason why it is important. By identifying interests or what is most important to people, mediators can begin to dig deeper.

2. Identify and Frame Issues to Negotiate: This helps frame the problem in win/win terms. Before the parties start negotiating, they need to agree on the real issues or problems they are trying to solve.

3. Make sure everyone understands the problem before starting to solve it: While similar to number 2, this tool is to ensure both parties say yes to the problem they are trying to solve. Getting verbal buy-in helps focus the process.

4. Listening: While obvious in some ways, deep listening is calming, and the more people feel heard, the more they are willing to work towards a solution.

5. Stay Neutral: If mediators start judging, parties get defensive, making the process harder to control. In some situations, and with some mediators, this is hard. And it is harder when the mediator has a stake in the outcome. Remember to always allow everyone to save face.

6. Set Ground Rules: I often invite the parties to do this for themselves by asking what they have learned from past attempts to have the conversation or what they need from each other to have a successful conversation.

7. Staying focused: If the parties start talking about something other than the issue they have agreed to discuss, or one party brings the conversation away from the future, and back to the past, the mediator may need to refocus the conversation.

8. Summarizing: There are often multiple things happening at once. Tracking all the threads and occasionally summarizing helps the parties focus and feel heard.

9. Interrupting when needed: Some mediators don’t like to do this because it can feel rude to interrupt. However, the parties may need them to take control of the process. Interrupting by paraphrasing what has been said is a soft way to cut someone off and take control.

Conflict Resolution Tips: 13 Ways Mediators Support the People

Thu, 06 Oct 2022 12:10:08 GMT

How Mediators Support People to Manage Conflict

Many people informally “mediate” disputes. They are looking to increase their toolbox of mediation skills. In general, mediators support the people, lead the process, and help the parties solve the problems. In this blog, I have thirteen specific tools mediators use to support people.

1. Summarizing helps people track complex conversations with multiple topics

2. Paraphrasing helps people know that you are listening and tracking what is most important to them

3. Asking Questions that:

a. Explore interests

b. Gather data

c. Test reality

4. Normalizing and labeling hard emotions—of course, it is frustrating. Saying this without blame can help soften it

5. Praising and encouraging—when participants are working hard and making progress, it is very helpful to say it.

6. Clarifying—frequently, conflict increases due to misunderstanding. Mediators can clarify things that are unclear and could be understood differently by different parties

7. Using Neutral Language ensures the mediator will be trusted

8. Reframing Attacks—To create a safe space, mediators need to honestly name challenges while also refocusing the parties on future solutions.

9. Working with Power Differences—Power sometimes affects mediation. Sometimes addressing power differences is best done in a one-on-one meeting.

10. Allowing the parties to save face—Even when pushing parties, it is crucial to allow them to save face. Separating intentions and impact is one way to do this.

11. Exploring the party’s goals—Parties want to know that the mediator “gets it.” Exploring what is most important to them helps ensure that you “get it.”

12. Taking a Break—If it is too heated, stepping away for a bit can be supportive.

13. Balancing participation—If one person is doing most of the talking, it may be hard to come to an agreement. Interrupting is sometimes necessary to balance participation.

Conflict Management: Why I Statements Don't Always Work

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Mon, 26 Sep 2022 15:39:02 GMT

Why This Conflict Management Technique Falls Short (and what to do about it)

Conflict Resolution: Using the STAR Feedback Model

Fri, 23 Sep 2022 14:05:02 GMT

A Feedback Technique to Avoid Conflict

In some past blogs, I’ve discussed feedback techniques that usually don’t work, such as the Feedback Sandwich model. Here is a model or template for giving feedback that I think can be effective.

Bring by describing the Situation or Task that the person was involved in. You might say, “Hey Greg, when you were facilitating the strategic planning session a few days ago.”

Then tell them the Action they took. You might say, “I noticed that there were a few times when you broke us into small groups, and a few groups were not clear about what they were supposed to be doing.” When describing the action, be as specific as possible and try to make the description observable data. For example, in this situation, if you said, “Your instructions were vague,” I might debate you because whether my instructions were vague is subjective.

Then tell the Result of the action. For example, “Because each group interpreted the task differently, we could not identify common ground or build a consensus.” I think this is part of the reason the project is behind schedule.”

You could also add an alternative action and the anticipated result. This step is not required, but in the above example, you could say, “I think if you had made a slide outlining the task, it would have ensured we were all working on the same thing, and there would have been more efficiency and alignment in our work.”

So to review:

Situation or

Task

Action they took

Result

You can add:

Alternative Action

Alternative Result

See more Conflict Management Blogs

This model was developed by DDI

Assessments: How Correlations can Help Get to the Real Issue

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 14 Sep 2022 18:36:32 GMT

Survey Analysis Tips for the Do-It-Yourselfer

Conflict Resolution: Why Feedback Sandwiches Don't Work

Wed, 07 Sep 2022 14:52:19 GMT

Avoid This Conflict Management Technique-It Creates Nausea

Many techniques are taught to mitigate conflict. One of them is the “feedback sandwich.” You start with something positive, then tell the other person what you really want them to know, and then soften the blow by ending with something positive. You might say, “Hey Joe, thanks for coming in. You look great, and I love how you always dress so professionally. I also want you to know that you suck at your job, and this may not work out. But don’t worry, we all love the deserts you bring to the staff potluck dinners.”

While there are many ways this statement could be delivered more skillfully, the feedback sandwich does not work. When developmental feedback is given, people just want to know what it is. It is hard to soften the blow in that exchange.

That said, it is critical that people feel valued. If they are valued and know it, giving constructive feedback is much easier. When we know that we are valued, we are much more open to also hearing about the things we may need to work on. However, if employees have not received regular positive feedback throughout their work history, the feedback sandwich will not help. They will probably get defensive when hearing the message. And if they have received regular positive feedback, the sandwich isn’t necessary. They know they are an important part of the team and probably work to overcome their weaknesses.

So rather than rely on a technique to soften the blow of constructive feedback, find ongoing, authentic ways to let your employees know you value them. If you do this, you are golden, and you won’t have to worry about any techniques to help you.

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Assessments: Why Standard Deviations Matter in Survey Analysis

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Thu, 01 Sep 2022 11:44:06 GMT

Survey Analysis Tips for the Do-It-Yourselfer

How Detailed Agendas Can Help You Facilitate Like a Pro

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Mon, 22 Aug 2022 11:17:17 GMT

Tips to Facilitate Like a Pro

How to Ensure Survey Reliability and Avoid Garbage In/Garbage Out

Wed, 17 Aug 2022 16:21:15 GMT

How to Develop Questions You Can Trust in Your Assessments

In my consulting work we sometimes work with surveys to gather data for strategic plans or organizational assessments . In our 25 years of consulting, we have come across many Do-It-Yourself surveys. While we completely support DYI work in general, surveys are one place the DIYer needs to be careful. Without some thought, the DYI survey can become a “garbage in, garbage out” experience. In order to ensure that the survey is reliable, meaning it is always measuring the same thing, here are some things to consider.

1. Avoid using compound questions. Any question with an “and” in it is suspect. For example, a question might read, “Our organization’s leaders are trustworthy and live the core values of the organization.” In your mind, these two clauses may seem to go together naturally. However, some survey takers may think of them as being trustworthy but not living the core values of the organization. And depending on if they are thinking about trust or core values, they may respond differently. This makes the question unreliable.

2. Make sure terms and directions are clear. For example, does everyone agree on who “leadership” is? In a public sector agency, it could mean the Division Director, the Department Commissioner, or the Agency Secretary.

3. Avoid double (or triple) negatives. Questions like this are confusing.

4. Use the same scale on all the questions. Shifting scales can be confusing and might make participants rate some.

5. See if questions that others have developed and are already tested for reliability are available. For example, our Climate survey has numerous questions developed by Gallup , as and others that are already known to be reliable.

6. Consider having someone with survey experience check your work to ensure reliability.

Strategic Planning Tools: How Our Climate Survey Can Help

Fri, 12 Aug 2022 13:11:13 GMT

How to Develop Strategies to Improve Retention and Morale

Most of my clients are struggling to hire and retain employees. Our climate survey gives them the data to develop effective strategies to do that better. Here is an overview of the instrument.

Why a Climate Instrument?

Given current staffing shortages, many organizations are concerned with improving retention and cutting costs associated with vacant positions and recruiting, few have the hard data to know exactly how to do so. After working with numerous clients who were struggling to assess their workplace climates and improve retention without having sound and reliable data, ReGeneration Resources developed this instrument, which combines the scientific rigor of quantitative analysis with the depth and breadth of qualitative analysis.

What Specifically is This Instrument?

Our climate survey is a 50-item, thirteen-facet scale that assesses employee attitudes about different aspects of their jobs. Because the instrument measures both job satisfaction and intentions of staying with an employer, regression analysis can be used to determine which of the 13 facets best predicts retention. We use the instrument to benchmark current employee satisfaction levels and identify the best leverage points in efforts to improve retention and morale.

I nstrument Benefits?

This instrument offers:

The ability to identify scientifically valid leverage points upon which sound retention strategies can be built
The ability to customize by adding or taking away variables
Benchmarking of current employee satisfaction in as many as 14 areas
Scientifically reliable and valid results
Cost-effective methods to gain knowledge and improve retention

More about the Instrument

The survey measures employee satisfaction on 10 job satisfaction variables (pay, supervision, fringe benefits, coworkers, communications, work/life balance, leadership, supervision, input into relevant decisions, non-compensation rewards, and professional development). We assess each variable with between three or five questions, with six choices per question ranging from "strongly disagree" to "strongly agree". A cumulative total satisfaction score is also calculated. Dependent variables measuring employees’ commitment to the organization, morale, and overall likelihood of recommending the workplace to others are also measured.

The qualitative aspect of the Climate Survey

The instrument ends with a few open-ended questions to add depth and context to the quantitative questions.

Analysis

In addition to looking at which variables are high and low, regression analysis is run to explore which variables are most important (most strongly correlated to dependent variables).

See more strategic planning blogs/vlogs

See more assessment blogs/vlogs

Learn more about our strategic planning services

Learn more about our assessment services

7 Strategic Planning Process Options

Fri, 05 Aug 2022 11:57:55 GMT

Questions to Ask When Beginning a Strategic Planning Process

We are often asked what our strategic planning processes include. The short answer is, “It depends”. Our processes almost always include:

· A project kickoff meeting

· Interviews with senior leaders

· Interviews with the board (if there is a board)

· Interviews with stakeholders or partners

· A retreat to digest the data and come up with some strategic goals and objectives

· Action planning which turns the goals and objectives into concrete action steps.

However, there are also activities in the process that we sometimes, but not always, perform. Here are seven strategic planning options to consider when planning a process:

1. Does your mission and vision need to be reviewed? For some organizations this is a five-minute conversation—their vision and vision statements are clear, concise, and inspiring. Others don’t have mission or vision statements or haven’t looked at them in years.

2. At what level will staff be involved? We frequently conduct a few staff interviews, but sometimes we also administer a staff climate survey. Sometimes the staff is involved in the committee leading the process. If a goal of the process is to make sure staff are engaged with high morale, increasing staff involvement is advisable.

3. At what level will customers be involved? Customer feedback is essential to strategic planning. Some organizations have this feedback in hand and don’t need to do anything more in the strategic planning process. If not, it may take work to get customer feedback. For example, at a private school parents may fill out a survey and show up at a focus group, but at a company selling LED lighting, getting this feedback will take more thought. Sometimes customers need to be incentivized to give feedback.

4. Do you want or need industry research or an environmental scan? Sometimes it makes sense to call a few people who are doing new and innovative things in the industry. Other times the Executive Director has this information in his or her head.

5. What level of involvement do you want from partners? I usually recommend 6-10 phone calls. After 10 calls I usually no longer hear new themes. However, sometimes there is a marketing component to making additional calls. I recently called 24 different stakeholders for a strategic planning client. The organization’s reputation was suffering, and the leadership wanted to reach out to a broad network of stakeholders to let them know they were listening.

6. How will the process be led? For many of my clients, I lead a kickoff event and then do not have much contact about the process until I send them an agenda for the retreat. They hire me and let me lead. Other clients want to be more involved and meet monthly to digest data and discuss the process

7. What do you want for a written document? A summary externally-facing document takes less time to write than an internally-facing document that details the process and the findings.

See more strategic planning blogs/vlogs

Learn more about strategic planning services

The Best Questions to Assess Workflow Efficiency

Fri, 29 Jul 2022 12:31:55 GMT

14 Business Process Analysis Questions

Below are 14 questions to ask yourselves to begin to assess the efficiency of your workflow

Are there too many actors?
Does someone own the process?
Are there too many handoffs?
Are there non-value-added steps?
Are there non-critical steps holding up the main flow?
Is there an obvious bottleneck?
Are mistakes caught early in the process?
Do problems get all the attention while the majority of the work waits?
Is the process “one size fits all” wherein there is one complex process with lots of decisions, exceptions or complexity to cover all situations?
Is there one role that coordinates other roles or tasks? (often a symptom of a poor process)
Is the process undocumented, leading to each individual or work group doing it their own way?
Are roles undefined, leading to confusion about who is responsible for what?
Are cause and effect, or work and inspection, separated? This introduces delay and the doers don’t learn what they are doing wrong.
Is there poor collaboration across organizational boundaries, as in “We’re working at cross purposes”? This often results from local or internal measures as opposed to process-oriented or customer-oriented measures that focus on outcomes, not tasks.

See our blog discussing workflow and five other enablers of efficiency .

Learn more about our services to increase efficiency .

Training Evaluation: How to Measure Training ROI

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 15 Jul 2022 12:37:10 GMT

Kirkpatrick's Four Step Process to Assess Training Effectiveness

Team Dynamics: Healthy vs. Unhealthy Conflict

Fri, 08 Jul 2022 13:35:25 GMT

Managing Conflict in Groups

Conflict in a group is inevitable. While many of us tend to feel uncomfortable around it, it is neither positive nor negative. One author talks about moving through conflict as going through the “groan zone” of problem-solving. How facilitators handle conflict, and their ability to differentiate between constructive and destructive conflict is the key to using conflict as an opportunity and not allowing it to destroy groups. Here are some tips on differentiating constructive and destructive conflict, taken in part from Mining Group Gold by Thomas Kayser.

Constructive tension in a group opens up the following possibilities:

1. The group may be able to get to the roots of a problem.

2. Creativity is more possible when there is constructive friction.

3. Disagreement allows the opportunity to surface assumptions that often drive conversations.

4. Healthy tension often energizes groups. People get their juices flowing.

Signs that tension is healthy and not moving the group into a destructive cycle are the ability to stay focused, listen and respond to what people are saying, and continue to work on problem-solving. A facilitator can help a group do all of these things by keeping a focus, reframing and helping participants hear each other, and facilitating problem-solving.

Destructive tension in groups is present when the following occur:

1. People begin making personal attacks.

2. Comments are exaggerated or taken out of context.

3. People adopt a win/lose mentality.

4. The group becomes polarized.

5. Energy is drained from the group.

When working with groups where the conflict begins to become destructive try using the following tools:

1. Continually summarize where the group is at relative to their stated goals.

2. Look for common ground. Even such trivial things as all sides being frustrated will help the group stay together.

3. Clearly define in a neutral way where groups differ from each other. This helps them focus.

4. Reframe comments in terms of what is most important to participants and help them surface possible solutions.

Finding Common Ground in Diversity: All That We Share

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 29 Jun 2022 13:22:27 GMT

One of My Favorite Diversity Videos

DEI for White Guys: Engage and Don't Take it Personally

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 24 Jun 2022 12:35:27 GMT

Diversity, Equity and Inclusion for White Guys

Strategic Planning: What is a SWOT Analysis

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Thu, 16 Jun 2022 14:56:00 GMT

Tools for Strategic Planning

Paying Attention to Intentions

Fri, 10 Jun 2022 13:13:52 GMT

In Conflict Management, Intentions Matter

Before engaging in a meeting where there is a history of tension or where you anticipate difficult conversations could emerge (in other words any meeting), a good guideline to discuss with the group is the importance of paying attention to intentions. In tense conversations, we often have multiple intentions at play simultaneously and often our multiple intentions are mutually exclusive (for example, “I want to work this out and I want their boss to know how incompetent they are”).

In Let’s Have it Out, Arthur Hough suggests asking yourself five questions before engaging in difficult conversations:

1. Do I want to hurt, injure, or put down this person?

2. Do I want to win over this person?

3. Do I want to establish who’s right and who’s wrong?

4. Do I want to make this person feel guilty?

5. Do I want to unload bad feelings from the past on the person?

I am sure all of us have answered “yes” to at least some of these questions in the past. Because we so often have these motives due to our own hurt or injury, they are hard questions to answer honestly. However, none of these intentions will lead to a positive engagement.

While paying attention to intentions does not eliminate all the challenges of the conversation, it does make it more likely you will get off to a good start. It is one of those seemingly simple activities that can be hard to accomplish.

Seeing The Good--Even in Conflict

Fri, 03 Jun 2022 12:46:15 GMT

Conflict Management Tips: Seeing What Is Not Wrong

In an interview a few years ago the rock star Bono recounted a story from the civil rights movement. As he told it, shortly after JKF had won the elections in 1960 leaders of the civil rights movement including Martin Luther King Jr., were discussing Robert Kennedy, the new U.S. attorney general. While Robert Kennedy would later become a champion of civil rights, at this time King’s inner circle saw the tough-talking Kennedy as an opponent.

After listening to his advisors complain bitterly about Kennedy King replied, “Well then, let’s call this meeting to a close. We will re-convene when somebody has found one thing redeeming to say about Bobby Kennedy, because that, my friends, is the door through which our movement will pass.”

Bono concluded the story by stating that when dealing with adversaries there is nothing more powerful than seeing the light in them. Or if “light” is too spiritual, then at least we must learn to see what is not wrong with them. For that is the door through which the successful resolution of conflicts will pass.

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Conflict Management: How to Have the Feelings Conversation

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 27 May 2022 14:28:16 GMT

Tips for Managing Emotions in Difficult Conversations

Conflict Management: Focusing on Interests and not Positions

Fri, 20 May 2022 13:02:20 GMT

Conflict Management Tips for Getting to the Real Issue

In The Skilled Facilitator (2004) Roger Schwartz suggests focusing on interests and not positions as a ground-rule every group should utilize. Interests are what matter most to people in regard to a given situation. Positions are one solution to the situation.

For example, in a meeting, a conversation might get stuck with one person saying they need to expand the group and others saying they shouldn’t do so. These positions lead to win/lose outcomes . What might really matter most to the people who are arguing against expansion might be group effectiveness. Conversely, the interests of those who want to expand the group might be to have a broader perspective. In this case, the two positions are mutually exclusive while the interests may not be. It is possible to get a win/win outcome by discussing how to gain access to a broader perspective without losing group effectiveness.

While it is counter-intuitive, most of us don’t begin conversations by saying what is most important to us. We begin with one solution (ours) to a problem. One way to get the group to focus on interests is to ask them what the criteria are for acceptable solutions to the problem. Another way is to explore the reasoning behind the positional statements.

Focusing on interests and not positions allows groups to come up with win/win outcomes.

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Conflict Management: When to Call a Mediator

Fri, 13 May 2022 13:27:00 GMT

Conflict Management Tips for Workplace Conflicts

The following list was compiled to help those in workplace settings assess when they might consider calling in an outside mediator to help them resolve conflicts .

· The supervisor is not neutral or perceived as being neutral.

· The supervisor does not have the time to adequately listen to all of the parties and facilitate a process for them.

· The supervisor is too much a part of the system to assess all of the contributing factors to the conflict.

· The conflict has escalated beyond the comfort level of the person trying to handle it and the skills of a conflict resolution expert are needed.

When is mediation from an outside party not appropriate in a workplace conflict?

· The supervisor is looking for information that will justify the decision to fire employees.

· There is no guarantee that the mediation will remain confidential

· The parties are not open to working with an outside mediator.

· The primary issue is performance-based (this could be resolved through coaching) .

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Conflict Management: How to Discuss the Past (and not make it worse)

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 06 May 2022 12:40:26 GMT

Tips and Traps for Managing Conflict and Resolving Disputes

Conflict Management 101: Getting to the Real Issue

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Thu, 28 Apr 2022 19:54:34 GMT

Conflict Resolution Tips: How to Define the Problem

20 Questions for Facilitators and Conflict Management Specialist

Thu, 14 Apr 2022 16:10:15 GMT

Conflict Management 101: How to Get Teams Unstuck in Conflict

Meetings have been defined as an interaction where the unwilling, selected from the uninformed, led by the unsuitable, to discuss the unnecessary, are required to write a report on the unimportant. They are hard to lead. At least sixty percent of what a good facilitator does is ask questions and paraphrase. Here are some questions you can try when a group seems stuck:

General Questions

1. “What are you committed to?”

2. “What is getting in your way?”

a. “What might you or someone do about those barriers?”

3. “What have you tried?”

4. “What have you learned from past attempts to figure this out that might help you now?”

5. “What are some other alternatives?”

6. “Who else could help figure this out?”

a. “Who cares or has a stake in the outcome?”

7. “What could I do that would feel like support?”

When people are confusing assumptions with facts

8. “What observable data is that based on?”

9. “Would all the parties agree that the observable data is accurate?”

10. “Are there other ways that the data might be interpreted?”

11. “If there were another explanation, what might it be?”

12. “What conclusions have you drawn so far and how did you arrive at those conclusions?”

13. “How could we test that hypothesis?”

When you are trying to build commitment

14. “What would make this more compelling for you?”

15. “Where do you think the resistance is coming from?”

16. “What will progress look like to you?”

17. “How will you handle this if it ends up being more difficult, or slower than you are anticipating?”

When you are trying to build consensus

18. “What parts of this proposal might you be able to build on?”

19. “In saying you oppose this idea I am wondering what specifically you are concerned about.”

20. “So that is what will not work for you. What could work?”

Combating Burnout: What we learned from Executive Coaching

Tue, 05 Apr 2022 20:21:59 GMT

Lessons Learned from Executive Coaching

After the Great Resignation, the job market is tight, and many of my clients are short-staffed. Faced with more work and fewer people to do it, many leaders buckle down and work harder. This might work in the short term, but over time it leads to burnout. Currently, I am working with several leadership teams, helping them figure out how they can combat burnout by letting go of some things. Here is what we are learning.

1. Meetings represent a great opportunity for finding more time. Most people go to meetings they don’t need to go to. One client set a goal of reducing the meetings they attend by 25 percent. Another realized that four different meetings have similar themes and could be combined, saving two and a half hours a week.

2. Some reoccurring meetings outlive their usefulness. Put an end date on all reoccurring meetings and occasionally assess if they are still useful.

3. If other people schedule your time, protect some of it by scheduling work time for yourself. If this won’t be honored, make this time “private” so others can’t see what is scheduled.

4. Invest in meeting facilitation skills training. This can help make meetings more efficient. Part of this training should be clarifying meetings’ purpose, expectations, and etiquette.

5. Don’t schedule all meetings for 60 minutes if you don’t need this much time. Standing and walking meetings can also ensure they are brief and get you some exercise.

6. Assess who attends which meetings. If multiple leaders are attending, see if you can free some of them up.

7. Make a list of other work you can let go of. If your organization has a strategic plan, prioritize work that is a part of the organization’s strategy.

8. Think about work you can delegate. Sometimes leaders are more involved than they need to be in decision-making. Ideally, decisions are made at the lowest level of competence. When leaders delegate responsibility for a task, they should ideally also give authority to make decisions.

9. Look at work you can do more efficiently. While process improvement efforts are often time-consuming themselves, sometimes there is low-hanging fruit for improving efficiency.

10. Managers do things right, but leaders do the right things. Remember that you can’t do everything and just say “no”. Work to get better at setting boundaries and taking vacations.

Change Management Risk Assessments

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 01 Apr 2022 12:00:57 GMT

Assessing The People Side of Change

Overcoming the Fear of Receiving Feedback

Fri, 25 Mar 2022 12:20:58 GMT

What Receivers of Feedback Can Do Differently to Prevent Conflict

Most of what has been written about feedback is focused on how feedback is delivered. What is often ignored is how to receive feedback. In the book Thanks for the Feedback , Douglas Stone and Shelia Heen describe how to receive feedback well, “even when it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered and, frankly, you’re not in the mood.”

Given that, on average, most of us receive feedback as often as we deliver it, this seems important. The authors suggest that those of us who receive feedback are triggered by our perception of the truthfulness of what is being said, our relationship with who says it, and what we think it means about our identity. Here are some highlights:

1. Looking for “feedback” can be about wanting appreciation, coaching, or evaluation. If we want appreciation and get an evaluation, or want coaching and get appreciation, we won’t be satisfied. Be clear about what kind of feedback is being sought or delivered.

2. Before reacting, be sure you understand. Shift from “That’s wrong”, to “Tell me more”.

3. Learn how you are perceived. This entails learning about blind spots. Most of us judge ourselves by our good intentions, but we still might impact others in negative ways.

4. Separate the messenger from the message. While the person delivering the feedback might not have credibility in your eyes, the message might still be valid. “Who are you to judge me?” is irrelevant. What is important is what we can learn from the message.

5. Take a few steps back. Look at the relationship, your roles, and the big picture to try to clearly identify the problem the feedback is trying to solve. Often, the problem is not anyone’s fault, but a system’s problem.

6. Be aware of your distortions. Usually, the story we tell ourselves about what we are hearing is not the same as what is being said. Globalizing or exaggerating the feedback are distortions. Work to see feedback at its actual scale.

7. Cultivate a growth identity. Researchers have identified that a major catalyst of learning is not thinking of ourselves in black and white terms (i.e. I’m a great or awful consultant) but rather as continuously learning or getting better. If we don’t think of ourselves as perfect and have a more realistic view of ourselves, we become less reactive to feedback that might indicate we are not perfect yet. This is usually more honest as well as more helpful.

Here is another blog we published on receiving feedback.

Overcoming Resistance: Effective Change Management Communication

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Thu, 17 Mar 2022 13:58:38 GMT

Change Management Communication: Choosing the Right Senders so Receivers will Hear

Why Blaming Others Does Not Resolve Conflicts

Fri, 04 Mar 2022 17:06:19 GMT

How Systems Thinking Can Help Manage Conflict

It is always easier to blame an individual than to understand a complex system. As a result, the great majority of what is written about conflict comes from an individual perspective. It assumes that a person (as opposed to a system) is the cause. Yet in over twenty years of helping people resolve conflict, I am amazed at how often the system is the cause. What do I mean by this?

We all live in systems. We come from family systems; we study in school systems and work in organizational systems. The system is greater than the sum of its parts. Systems have their own cultures, structures, beliefs, and patterns of interactions that are hard to change.

As one example of this, several years ago a large health care system was working to reduce errors in calculating medications (which are estimated to kill a quarter of a million US citizens annually). They worked hard at training those who calculate medications and holding them accountable for mistakes. It wasn’t until the hospital realized that it wasn’t the people, but rather interruptions that were the problem that things started to change. By giving those who were calculating medications yellow highway construction vests (signally, “don’t interrupt me) the health care system reduced medication errors by 60% over a 6-month period.

When things are not working it is always easiest to find someone to blame. Yet the easy answer is often the wrong answer. As an alternative, try to find where the system is breaking down. This may hold the key to long-term improvement.

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Meeting Facilitation Tips: How to Balance Meeting Participation

Fri, 25 Feb 2022 14:53:43 GMT

How to facilitate so that everyone is engaged

In most groups, some people speak up easily and often, and others hold back and keep to themselves. Balancing participation is important for a facilitator because if a decision is going to be a “group” decision, then the whole group must own it. Furthermore, many good ideas are lost if those who hold back are not given a space to contribute. If most of the conversation in your group is done by a minority of members, try some of these ideas:

· If the group has group norms, add, “Step up, step back” to the norms. This is an invitation to introverts to step up, and extroverts to give them the space to step up by stepping back. Both introverts and extroverts contribute to unbalanced participation. 09

· Rather than asking members not to speak, stop every now and then and invite those who have not spoken to say something. Ideally, it is best not to call on people specifically, as this can put them on the spot. Rather, you might say, “I am wondering if there is anybody who has not yet contributed to this conversation who would like to jump in.” Or say, “What do others think?”

· Since some people need more time to process internally, you might invite the group to sit in silence for 30 – 60 seconds. You might say, “I am aware that some people think quickly on their feet and others need a bit more time to process, so let’s take 30 seconds and give everyone a chance to catch up with the conversation. After the break, I’ll ask if anyone who hasn’t spoken yet would like to contribute.

· Think of process options. Structured go-arounds or small group work will usually allow those who are hanging back to jump in. Giving individuals writing tasks can also invite participation.

· If a proposal is being discussed, say, “Let me get a quick read of the room. If you had to decide right now, how many of you would go with this proposal, how many would not, and how many are not sure?”

· If none of these works, ask the group, “What is important to you about this topic and why are you committing time to it?” It may be that the group has gotten into a conversation they are not really invested in.

See more Facilitation blogs/vlogs

Avoiding Us vs. Them Conflict: What Front Line Worker Can Do

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Mon, 21 Feb 2022 14:27:22 GMT

What front-line workers can do to minimize hierarchy

Avoiding Us vs. Them Conflict: The Contribution of Leaders to Cultural Conflict

Fri, 11 Feb 2022 13:18:19 GMT

What Executives Can Do To Avoid Cultural Conflict

A Conflict Management Checklist for Difficult Conversations

Fri, 04 Feb 2022 14:16:08 GMT

Things to Think About When Managing Conflict

Resolving conflicts is hard work. To focus that work I developed the following checklist. Use the checklist as a way to plan for difficult conflict conversations. The list is divided into two sections: 1) Work to do on your own before the difficult conversation, and 2) the work to be done with the other person.

List for you to do on your own

1. Identity the emotions you are feeling and commit to suspending reacting from your emotions.

2. Ask, “What can I learn from this?”, “What buttons of mine are being pushed and where do those buttons come from?” Look at your conflict triggers. Don’t think about what you can say or do to win or be right.

3. Try to muster intentions of empathy and curiosity.

4. Commit to not confronting the other person when you are off-balance or when your goal is to win or make them wrong.

5. Look at your contribution to the conflict and commit to taking responsibility for it with the other person.

6. Consider what to say and how to say it so that they won’t feel blamed.

List to do with the other person

1. Pick a time and a location that is conducive to good communication.

2. State your long-term goal in a positive way. The goal should not be about what you don’t want, but rather about the most positive future you can imagine. (“I want to have this conversation with you, even though I am nervous about it, because I want to work in a stress-free environment and I think we can achieve that.” Or “. . . because I want to have an authentic, long-term friendship with you.”)

3. Ask them if they are willing to talk.

4. Deliver the message by:

a. Telling them what you discovered about yourself.

b. Using “I Statements” be conscious of:

i. Communicating emotions after saying “I feel . . .

ii. Using descriptive rather than judgmental language.

iii. Not blaming them for your feelings.

5. Ask them how they see things and then listen to them without interrupting.

6. Listen some more . Don’t judge, don’t react. Just be present and listen.

7. If there are things they said that you agree with, tell them. Try to agree with something

8. Problem solve with them by asking what you could do differently.

9. When you think you have reached a decision, restate it to them to make sure you are both agreeing to the same outcome.

10. Talk about what to do when things go wrong in the future.

Conflict Management: Working with Personality Conflicts

Tue, 25 Jan 2022 20:11:02 GMT

Managing Conflict with Style Differences

People have different preferences which can lead to conflict. Introverts like to process internally while extroverts like to “think out loud”. When extroverts are talking introverts often secretly want them to just shut up so they can think. Extroverts take an introvert’s silence to mean a lack of interest. An extrovert’s solution—talk more in a more animated manner.

Another personality difference is our desire for closure. Some of us like to keep things open and others want to check things off our lists. A list checker is try get rid of the task. The goal is completion. When shopping, a list checker often buys the first item he sees. This gives him a great sense of accomplishment. A shopper however, wants to look at things. She is not trying to accomplish a task but rather to enjoy the process. The shopper doesn’t want to buy something lest she loses the pleasure of exploring options.

If you find yourself in a conflict due to different personalities, you might find the following guidelines helpful.

1. Be aware of your preferences and don’t judge them as better. While people who get stuck in “too much detail” might drive you nuts, there are times when you will need to pay attention to details.

2. Communicate your needs. A great deal of the conflict regarding personalities is that we assume others are like us. Without stating your needs, which are different than the other person’s needs, they might not know what would help you.

3. Consider the downside of your preferences (buying too quickly and making a poor choice, or not being able to make a decision when you need to).

4. Laugh at yourself.

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Change Management: Handling Resistance to Change

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 14 Jan 2022 14:53:32 GMT

Tips for Responding to Resistance

The Right Answer Is Not Enough: Concepts in Change Management

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Thu, 06 Jan 2022 21:38:31 GMT

Tips for handling resistance to change

Change Management 101: Keys to Implementing Change

Wed, 29 Dec 2021 17:26:50 GMT

Change Management Tips to Implement What You Design

“Change is inevitably messy. Typically, the change process brings confusion, and people generally don’t like confusion.” Joe Folkman, PhD.

A great deal of conflict, particularly in organizations, comes from implementing change efforts. The following guidelines drawn from Joe Folkman’s work, Making Feedback Work, suggest ways to implement change efforts so that they will be successful and minimize the possibility of conflict.

I. Involving others in change efforts increases the probability that change will occur.

II. The most critical skill in making a change based on feedback is deciding what specific issue to work on first.

A. The best approach for prioritizing issues is to list each of the issues and then consider how they rate against four different criteria: felt need, ease of change, logical sequence, and impact.

a. Felt Need: Don’t confuse your felt need for change with the needs and desires of others. We change when we feel a strong enough need to change.

b. Ease of Change: In planning a change process, select at least one issue that you know will be easy to change. This not only gives you confidence in your ability to change, but it sends a positive signal to others that you are responding to their feedback. Also remember that issues dealing with things are much easier to change than those dealing with people

c. Logical Sequence: Are there issues that need to be changed first before other issues can be addressed?

d. Impact: Change is a hard process. Be sure to select issues that are worth investing time and energy on. Can this change initiative compete with all the other events and activities going on in the organization?

III. Before announcing any change, leaders should build a broad support base for the change, including input from stakeholders at various organizational levels.

A. Communicate about the change initiative often and in as many different ways as possible. Build excitement for the change. Keep it in people’s minds. People generally want to know how the change will affect them. In communicating talk about the vision of where you want to be and what the benefits of being there will be. It may be helpful to enlist the group in building that vision.

B. Ask, “Is there enough support to announce this change, or does more work need to be done to gain support for it?”

C. The vision for change needs to be cast in a positive light. Don’t focus on who was responsible and how to take action against individuals because this tends to paralyze people.

IV. To implement change effectively:

A. Practice the new behavior frequently

B. Assign outside coaches or mentors to help people learn new behaviors.

C. Try to create a learning environment where negative feedback can be cast in a positive light.

D. Set incremental goals of short-term, intermediate, and final outcomes before beginning change efforts. Then check progress from time to time. Don’t get upset when things stall. Generate short-term wins.

“Creating change in an organization is like walking a high-wire tight rope without a net. Creating structure to support change efforts is like adding a net, a balancing stick, and ropes on both sides to hang on to – just in case. Structure makes weak organizations strong and strong organizations stable.”

Taken from Making Feedback Work by Joe Folkman, Ph.D.

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Online Facilitation: 7 Tips to Combat Zoom Fatigue

Fri, 19 Nov 2021 16:36:44 GMT

Facilitation Tips to Stay Energized in the Zoom Era

Research has shown that Zoom fatigue is real. Our eyes are not used to the intense focus that Zoom meetings require and it is taxing. Here are seven tips for minimizing Zoom fatigue.

1. Suggest using the phone. We used to communicate over the phone, and it worked fine for many things. Every meeting does not have to be on Zoom.

2. Turn off self-view (click the 3 dots in the upper right-hand corner on your picture and select, “hide self-view). Research has shown that not looking at ourselves significantly reduces fatigue.

3. Take audio only breaks. During these breaks stand up, stretch, and don’t look at the screen.

4. Follow the 20-20-20 rule. Every 20 minutes take 20 seconds to look at least 20 feet away.

5. If you are the agenda planner, take more frequent breaks.

6. Avoid multi-tasking. While it can be tempting to multitask while zooming, it increases fatigue.

7. Say “no” to meetings that you don’t need to be at. We should always do this, hard as it is. But especially in the Zoom era we need to be more disciplined at it.

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Facilitation Tips: Avoiding False Agreements

Fri, 12 Nov 2021 18:20:47 GMT

Facilitating So That "Yes" Means Yes

Has your group ever moved in a direction that you disagreed with? Have you ever been a part of a group that has come to an impasse that revealed everyone’s lack of enthusiasm for the original undertaking? Have you ever been a part of what seemed like well supported decisions, only to discover that most of the participants were not on board?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have experienced mismanaged agreement. This occurs when group members agree to the opposite of what they want because they don’t feel comfortable speaking up. Most of us can find many reasons to stay quiet in groups. Among them are:

1. I’m new here. I don’t have the right to speak yet.

2. I don’t want to risk offending anyone.

3. We all know the boss does not like to be challenged.

4. I’m not an expert. They pay the boss to make these decisions.

5. I’m tired of talking about this. Let’s just make a decision and move on.

6. And so on.

To overcome mismanaged agreement facilitators can:

1. Be aware that a lack of opposition to an idea does not translate into support.

2. Actively encourage dissent. It will improve the ideas and it is much better to have it out in the open than in the underground.

3. Use consensus building tools as outlined previous blogs

4. Make sure you are creating a culture where disagreement and questions are rewarded and not punished.

See other Facilitation Blogs/Vlogs

Meeting Facilitation Tips: The 3 Rules to Build Consensus

Thu, 04 Nov 2021 19:39:39 GMT

Facilitation That Makes Decision Making Easier

More and more groups are using a consensus process to make decisions. Consensus increases buy-in to decisions but can also be complex and slow down decision making. Here I present three basic principles to help make it work better.

Principle One: You must pay attention to everyone’s considerations. This might seem obvious, but often we are so busy talking that we are not listening to each other. Furthermore, the more others feel that their needs have been taken seriously, the more flexible they become. If the goal is to come up with win/win outcomes, paying attention to other’s considerations makes it more likely their bottom line will drop, and more solutions will be possible.

Principle Two: Search for agreement, not disagreement. This also seems simple but is hard to put into practice. Usually when we disagree, we tend to focus on the area of disagreement. This, however, prevents us from identifying the areas of agreement to build agreements onto. Searching for agreement is both a mindset, but also a discipline. It is a mindset in that our minds are often trained to latch onto the differences. However, sometimes we see the common ground, but we don’t give voice to it.

Principle Three: Look for better, not best. Because we all see the world differently, it is very difficult, if not impossible to find agreement on what the best decision is for a group. People often disagree on what is best. In looking for what is better, it is assumed that everyone cannot get their perfect outcome. The focus then becomes on improving the outcome, not steering it in one specific direction.

Meeting Facilitation 101: Keeping Meetings On Track

Thu, 21 Oct 2021 16:42:47 GMT

How to Improve Facilitation Skills and Increase Meeting Efficiency

There is a saying that a camel is a horse made by committee. Get five or more people in a room and its a miracle anything ever gets accomplished. The most common question that people ask us in our meeting facilitation trainings is, "How do you keep a group focused?" Here are some suggestions:

If someone is long winded, facilitators often make the mistake of waiting them out. A gentle way to interrupt is by paraphrasing what the speaker just said. By doing this they feel heard and acknowledged and you get the floor back.
Use the agenda. But try to avoid saying, "Let's get back to the agenda", which takes importance away from what they were saying. Instead you might try something like, "Help me understand how what you just were saying relates to the agenda item we were talking about."
Record on flip charts the concerns of the person that is taking the conversation away from the agenda. Make a commitment to come back to it (if it needs to be addressed) and don't forget to follow through on your commitment.
Ask the group what they want to talk about, the new topic or the agenda topic. If some new information has emerged that is more important than the agenda, don't try to keep the group from going there.

See more Facilitation blogs/vlogs

Team Building: Recruiting Tips Across Generations

Fri, 08 Oct 2021 12:24:53 GMT

How to Build Your Team by Embracing New Values

The labor market is tight. Many businesses around my town are short-staffed and have restricted hours due to the challenges of hiring. Yet, I also believe many companies could do more to find, and retain, workers. A huge barrier, in my mind, are differing generational values. While these differing values do not apply to everyone, and we need to be careful not to stereotype, values have changed over the last 40 years. Let me explain.

I frequently hear people in leadership, who are often in their late 50s or 60s, complain that “younger workers don’t know how to work” or that they “don’t have a work ethic”. Some even say younger workers are “lazy”. These statements are all different ways of expressing their belief that their challenges in recruiting are not their fault. Younger workers are usually not a good fit for their organizations because young workers “don’t value work”.

From the perspective of younger workers, however, it is not that they don’t value work. it is just that they also value family, experiences, and work-life balance. They are not “lazy” but they also don’t want to be slaves to their jobs. They do want time to spend with their kids. They are willing to work hard, but not forever and not in ways that take them away from other priorities.

What are the implications of these differing values? Companies that are successful at recruiting and retaining younger workers find ways to shift their cultures towards the values of younger workers. Increased paid vacations, shorter workdays (or weeks), and increased remote work options all help. Some software developers now offer unlimited paid time off because the market is so tight (and they have learned that most developers don’t take a lot of time off, even when it is offered).

So, rather than lamenting the lack of a “work ethic” in younger workers, many companies would be much more likely to find the help they need if they could embrace some of the values that many younger workers share. This entails letting go of a rigid belief in what should be, and instead embracing what is.

Learn how our Climate Survey can help with retention strategies

Team Building: 14 Ground Rules to Increase Team Effectiveness

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Thu, 30 Sep 2021 20:40:03 GMT

How to Improve Meeting Productivity and Team Satisfaction

Many groups do not establish ground rules for themselves because they are perceived as simplistic and insulting. “Adults should not need to be told to be nice”, the thinking goes. However, ground rules do not have to be thought of as rules to keep people in line. They can also be thought of as reminders of what the group needs to function at a high level. In the absence of norms that groups choose for how they want to be together, cultural norms can easily take over and keep groups from being effective. In The Skilled Facilitator by Roger Schwartz (p.75) the following ground rules are suggested for groups. While I think it is preferable that groups develop their own ground rules, I offer this list as a way of helping you think about how ground rules might help your group.

1. Test assumptions and inferences

2. Share all relevant information

3. Focus on interests, not positions

4. Be specific – use examples

5. Agree on what important words mean

6. Explain the reasons behind one’s statements, questions and actions

7. Disagree openly with any member of the group, but do it respectfully

8. Make statements, then invite questions and comments

9. Jointly design ways to test disagreements and solutions

10. Discuss undiscussable issues

11. Keep the discussion focused

12. Do not take cheap shots or otherwise distract the group

13. Exchange relevant information with nongroup members

14. Do self-critiques at the end of each meeting.

Meeting Facilitation Tips: How to Start On Time

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Thu, 23 Sep 2021 18:01:16 GMT

Ensuring That Meetings Start On Time

Many groups struggle with getting started on time. Once the pattern of starting late begins, it often just gets worse as people assume that the meetings will always start late. Here are a few suggestions if you are trying to change the habits of your group:

1) Shut the door when you are getting started so that folks who come late know that they are late.

2) Don’t slow down to get others caught up every time someone comes in late. This supports people in coming late.

3) If people want to socialize before a meeting starts, gather with some food before the meeting is scheduled to begin so that the relationship building can happen, but not during the meeting.

4) Post the meeting times on the door of the meeting room.

5) Send participants a reminder e-mail an hour or so before the meeting telling them you will start promptly at the starting time.

6) Always finish at the scheduled end time. Starting late does not mean you will automatically go over.

7) Be on time yourself. To do this you may have to factor in stops to get a cup of coffee or going to the restroom.

8) Consider a donation jar that those who come late contribute to.

9) Do not over fill the agenda. Always assume items will take more time than you anticipate. I generally try to leave 10 minutes extra for each hour of meeting time. If the agenda is achievable, people will leave feeling good about the work they did. If it is over ambitious, they will leave feeling frustrated.

10) Just do it. Start at the time you said you would and let others make the adjustments they need to get used to it.

Why Conflict Can Be a Driver of Change and Opportunity

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 17 Sep 2021 18:58:23 GMT

How to Leverage Conflict as Growth Opportunities

I have been told that the Chinese character for the word “crisis” is the character for the word danger on top of the character for the word “opportunity”. Similarly, conflict can be either danger or opportunity. But what makes the difference between it being constructive or destructive?

Honestly, I haven’t met many people who enter conflict saying to themselves, “Oh how great, another opportunity to grow!” Conflict makes most of us uncomfortable and we usually just want it to go away. But the irony is that in wanting to make it go away we often fail to look honestly at the conflict and make the changes needed to help it disappear. Our denial guarantees that the conflict continues. What we need is the courage to look at the conflict squarely – which means the courage to look at ourselves.

The first thing that must shift for us is the belief that if only other people change the conflict would go away. This belief is based in deep denial. The strategy of trying to get others to change has most likely never worked for us in the past, yet we continue to try it. The only real leverage in managing conflict comes from looking at ourselves and be willing to change.

What opportunities might lie in conflict? What good could possibly come out of something so difficult?

I believe conflict is a sign to us that something needs healing, and it invites us to turn our attention to what is wounded. As our attention turns towards parts of our body when they ache, and we often make subsequent appointments with doctors, conflict is a sign that all is not well. Avoidance will not heal things.

To make things whole, we need to look squarely at the mess within us. What are my beliefs about myself and the person I am in conflict with? What are my buttons that are being pushed? What would it take to heal these buttons? Do I believe that I can heal them? What am I most afraid of? These are the deep places that conflict invites us to explore. In these questions lies the possibility of great freedom. In avoiding them we proceed at our own risk.

Generational Differences: Tips for Baby Boomers

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 10 Sep 2021 15:33:19 GMT

Managing Generational Differences

Conflict Management Essentials: Barriers to Listening

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 03 Sep 2021 14:03:08 GMT

Overcoming Barriers That Keep Us From Being Effective

It is rare that people feel really listened to and still experience conflict negatively. So, it should be easy to keep conflict from escalating by just listening. However, listening is one of those activities that is easier said than done. Here I discuss two of the most powerful barriers to listening and some ways to work with them.

1. Strong Emotions

In our culture we often don’t deal with emotions very honestly. Either we pretend that we don’t have emotions because we think we need to “stick to the facts”, or we act out our emotions. If we use the first strategy we are in denial; if we use the second, we tend to unfairly dump our emotions on others. Neither of these strategize is very effective, and most of us are not aware of it when we are doing these things.

I was recently coaching a manager about a conflict she was involved in. When it became clear that she had strong feelings about a conflict I asked her if she communicated her feelings. She said, “Yes, I told them how I felt. I told them they were rude and inconsiderate.” This manager truly thought this statement was telling the other party how she felt. In truth, it was more “telling them off.” As the authors of Difficult Conversations state, “judgments and accusations are not feelings and will not help resolve a conflict.” Owning feelings, without blaming the other person for them, can help free us to listen better.

2. Wanting to Win

Someone once said, “In the US communication is a competitive exercise in which the first person to draw a breath is declared the listener.” In our culture we tend to think about conflict as a contest to win. We think that by winning things will get better for us. However, if we win, and the other loses things will not improve for us because when people lose one battle, they tend to gear up for the next one. One party winning at the expense of the other does not resolve conflict despite our ingrained myths about conflict.

If we really want to win the argument, it is hard to listen to others.

The way to work with this barrier to listening is by first, i ncreasing awareness of our true motives for engaging in a conflict. One way to become aware is to stop long enough to ask ourselves, “What are my real motives for engaging in this conflict?” If our motives are to win, it will be almost impossible to resolve the conflict. Once we have identified our motives, it becomes possible to freely choose another goal. Other goals for engaging in a difficult conversation might be to see what I can learn about the situation from the other perspective, see what I can learn about myself, or to come up with a solution that works for both of us.. All of these motives are much more likely to lead to resolution than trying to win.

In Conflict Management, Tone Matters

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Thu, 26 Aug 2021 15:36:21 GMT

How to Manage Tone and Communicate More Effectively

Conflict Management 101: Don't Take Feedback Personally

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Thu, 19 Aug 2021 13:46:49 GMT

Generalizing Feedback Makes Conflict Management Challenging

Feedback is essential. Without it we can’t learn new things and make necessary changes. However, we often don’t view feedback merely as information. Rather, we exaggerate it, make it mean something about our self-worth, and resist it. We don’t take it as information about how we engage in the world, but rather as an indictment of our very being.

For example, if someone says to me, “I become distracted when you apologize before asking for something,” I can interpret this in several ways. The most helpful choice is to keep the comment in its present context and take it as information about how I distract a person (and possibly others). What many of us tend to do, however, is to generalize the feedback. We might think, “I’m a terrible communicator and I am wimpy, and I lack the courage to say what I want.” Or “What they really mean is that they don’t like me, and they don’t think I am competent.”

While some of these exaggerations could be true, they are not a truthful interpretation of the initial comment, and they often create defensiveness in ourselves that keeps us from hearing the initial feedback. If our interpretation of feedback condemns our very being, there is little that we can do to change things. If, however we interpret the comment as important information about how we ask for things and how we are perceived, we can use it to make changes that might be helpful.

As you receive feedback pay attention to how you are spinning it. In general, the less spin the more useful the feedback will be. At our best, we view feedback only as information that could make us more effective.

Here is another blog we did on how to receive feedback well .

See more Conflict Management blogs/vlogs.

Change Management Tips: Why Strengths Based Approaches Work Best

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Thu, 12 Aug 2021 20:09:50 GMT

The Power of Focusing on Strengths

Conflict Management Tips: Finding Common Ground

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 06 Aug 2021 13:15:40 GMT

Learning to See What Unites Us

Finding common ground is a very useful and important skill in working with conflict. While sometimes our tendency is to think that we have nothing in common with people we are in conflict with. We tend to focus on what divides us rather than on what unites us. The following story from the 1960’s Civil Rights Movement reminds us that the power of finding common ground is possible to access in most any situation.

In Nashville in the 60’s, college students did sit-ins and peaceful marches at lunch counters as a strategy to end segregation. Jim Lawson, an African American Christian minister and disciple of Gandhi’s was training students in non-violent resistance.

This story is about one of the first marches in which students are walking to a lunch counter and a few young white toughs came to the end of the line and attacked Solomon Gore by knocking him down and kicking him. Another student, Bernard Lafayette, came over and tried to cover Solomon with his body.

While they were getting beat up, Lafayette recalled, Jim Lawson came over – “He didn’t rush over, as to an accident or as if to stop a beating, he walked over very calmly, as if to a long-standing appointment. Lawson’s arrival shifted the attention of the toughs from the fall Gore and Lafayette to Lawson. The thing about Jim, is that he was so self-assured, so confident, as if he were accustomed to toughs beating up fallen demonstrators every day of his life.

“The leader of the young white toughs was sporting . . . a motorcycle jacket and slick back hair, and when he saw Lawson come over, he was so enraged by his coolness that he spat at him. Lawson looked at him and asked him for a handkerchief. The man was really stunned, and he reached in his pocket and handed Lawson a handkerchief. And Lawson wiped the spit off himself as calmly as he could. Then he looked at the man’s jacket and started talking to him. Did he have a motorcycle or a hot rod car? A motorcycle was the answer. Jim asked a technical question or two and the young man started explaining what he had done to customize his bike.

“Amazingly, these two men were now talking about the levels of horsepower in motorcycles. A few seconds earlier they had seemed like sworn enemies. By this time both Gore and Lafayette were back on their feet, the line was moving again, and Jim and the other man were still talking about the man’s motorcycle.

“In that brief frightening moment, Jim had managed to find a subject, which they both shared and had used it in a way that made both of them more human in the eyes of the other. As they walked away, Jim waved to the man and the man remained still. Neither accepting the friendship, nor for that matter, rejecting it.”

Found in The Children, by David Halberstan

Change Management: How to Change Habits

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 30 Jul 2021 15:34:22 GMT

An Autobiography in Five Chapters

Why Conflict Management Tools Often Don't Work

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 23 Jul 2021 13:37:03 GMT

How to Better Utilize What You Already Know

When I conduct conflict resolution workshops, most people enter wanting to acquire new tools. However, most people already have a lot of tools. When I ask people, “What makes conflict go well?”, most groups can easily name one to two dozen tools or mindsets (like being open-minded) that will help. Many of the tools people already know, like actively listening, empathy, or validating the other person are powerful and can be extremely helpful.

I’ve concluded that the problem is not that we don’t know what to do. Rather, the problem is that we don’t do what we know. So, rather than learn new tools, I think it is more effective to focus on overcoming the barriers that keep us from accessing tools that we know.

I think there are four primary barriers.

First, intentions matter . If we show up wanting to win or wanting to get a few jabs in, things may not go well. Showing up with intentions of caring and curiosity usually get us off to a good start.

Second, sometimes we have bad conflict habits that we need to change. Maybe we always interrupt others or don’t read the room well. It can be hard to change habits. But we need to assess ourselves honestly and commit to changing habits that are not effective.

Third, emotions can derail us. If we can’t manage our own emotions, we won’t be effective in conflict. And by “managing our emotions”, I don’t mean pretending they are not there. Rather, we must be aware of our emotions without dumping them on others or blaming others for them. In theory we all know we are responsible for our own emotions. But in practice when I’m angry it is because someone made me angry. My anger is their fault.

Finally, our internal narratives and bias can keep us from accessing the tools that we know. We think that whatever we think is true, just because we think it. Assuming that, if I think someone else is wrong or stupid, there is no reason to actively listen to them. So, we have to be aware of, and negotiate with, our thoughts, rather than being attached to them as “the one truth”.

After over 20 years of helping people move through conflict, I’m convinced that focusing on overcoming these four barriers is much more effective than learning new conflict tools or techniques.

Diversity for White Folks: Color Blindness is a Lie

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 16 Jul 2021 12:16:20 GMT

Diversity Tips for White Folks

Improving Efficiency: The Pros and Cons of Remote Work

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 09 Jul 2021 21:38:14 GMT

Things to Consider Regarding Remote Work

If we have learned anything from the pandemic, it is that workers can, and will, continue to produce at high levels even when their boss isn’t “holding them accountable”. Now many workers don’t want to return to the office and many companies are trying to decide if they should make them. Given this trend, here are the pros and cons of allowing remote work and a few things to consider if you do allow it.

Pros:

Cost savings —all those expensive offices may not be necessary. A typical employee working from home saves $11,000 annually.
Higher focus and greater productivity —believe it or not, most workers are more productive at home than in the office.
Less stress and better decision-making —commutes can be stressful. Eliminating them can lead to better decision-making.
Reduced carbon footprint.
Increased recruitment, retention, and worker satisfaction – an IBM poll found that 54% of employees wanted to keep working from home post-pandemic, and 75% wanted the option of working from home occasionally. This was a trend in younger workers even before the pandemic that is now being amplified. And in a tight jobs market workers now have the leverage to demand these accommodations.

Cons:

Distractions at home —while most people have less distractions at home, this is not true for everyone. Some workers will be less productive at home.
Overworking , burnout, and isolation—many workers have a hard time stopping when they work from home. While this may increase productivity, it can also lead to burnout. Other workers need connection and feel isolated working from home.
Harder to collaborate —creative work that requires high levels of collaboration is harder to do remotely. Sometimes there is no substitute for being in the same space.
Harder to build a company culture —some organizations set themselves apart by their company culture. This is much harder to build and manage with remote workers. One company I know is considering taking the savings of remote work and hosting three or four annual day-long, off-site events to try to build a collaborative, fun culture.
Out of sight, out of mind —it may be harder to stand out and climb the company ladder if you are working remotely.

Things to Consider When Deciding If Remote Work is an Option:

Consider if the role be performed effectively away from the office ? Most jobs can, but some can’t.
Be intentional about building trust and clarifying expectations. Remote work is dependent on trust and unclear expectations are a trust buster.
What technology or data sharing platforms are needed and who provides the equipment (laptops, printers…)? Additionally, think about what technology support looks like when it is needed remotely.
Don’t skimp on communication. This is the main challenge of remote work. Think about all the ways to maximize connection and communication. More regular check-in or supervision meetings may be helpful in the beginning to monitor how things are going.
Be clear how progress will be tracked and measured. Again, most employees will be more productive working remotely, but not all will. Know how you will measure this.
Be clear about expectations regarding accessibility . If work is getting done, employees may feel it doesn’t matter when they are working. But from the company’s perspective, accessibility may be an issue. Be clear on this.
Determine or negotiate how frequently the employee will need to be on site.

See more blogs/vlogs on improving efficiency

Conflict Management 101: Blame vs. Contribution

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Mon, 05 Jul 2021 17:07:19 GMT

Tools for Engaging in Difficult Conversations

Many difficult conversations focus on who was to blame. Trying to establish blame almost always leads to defensiveness and counter accusations however, looking at how each party contributed to a conflict can be helpful. The difference is that blame only addresses the actions of one party and contribution assumes both parties did something to create the problem.

If our mindset is that the conflict is all one person’s fault, it will be hard to resolve it or to learn anything new that might keep the problem from repeating itself. Even if you believe your contribution is minor compared to that of the other parties, talking about your own contribution can help soften the other person so that they are more comfortable talking about their own contribution.

Contributions to conflicts can be subtle. I once worked with a client who never addressed a conflict directly. While she believed the problem should have been obvious to her co-worker, her indirectness contributed to it. This is not to say the conflict was her fault. Fault, like blame assumes only one person contributed. Establishing fault is the role of the courts. And while we may be tempted to establish fault in our interpersonal conflicts, doing so increases the risk that the conflict will escalate. If you are unsure of how you might have contributed, ask the other party what you could do differently in the future. This will help you learn something new and prevent similar conflicts in the future.

See more Conflict Management blogs/vlogs

Change Management Tools to Help The People Side of Change

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Tue, 29 Jun 2021 15:39:26 GMT

How to Build Buy In For Your Change Initiatives

Conflict Management: Listening Exercises to do on Your Own

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Mon, 21 Jun 2021 11:49:31 GMT

Conflict Management Exercises to Improve Your Skills

It is rare for people to feel really listened to and still experience conflict as a negative experience. Listening helps resolve conflicts, build teams, and improve employee morale—yet when we most need to listen, many of us seem unable to. As someone once said to me, “It’s not that I don’t know what to do. It’s that I don’t do what I know.” So, in this blog I offer some exercises to flex your listening muscles and improve your listening skills.

Listen to a radio or TV talk show that has the opposite views from your own. Be aware of how your knee-jerk reactions are keeping you from listening. Work to process information contrary to your beliefs without becoming defensive or argumentative. Try to see that views that are not yours are not necessarily wrong, they are just another view. See how focused and concentrated your listening can become. Discuss what you heard with a friend and see how fairly you can represent the views you do not agree with.

Tape yourself talking on the phone. Notice how often you use filler words such as “Uhm”. Notice any habits of speech you have developed. Think about what you might like to try to do differently to become a better listener.

If you work with clients, it is generally easier to work with them if you have a relationship with them. Work on getting to know your clients. Try to remember their names and learn things about them. Set goals for yourself on how many new names and people you will get to know and remember each week.

Try getting into the other person’s story. If your mind starts to drift, return to the other person’s story, almost as though you are watching a movie or reading a great novel. Be curious. See how much you can learn about their story without talking about yourself.

This list was drawn in part from The Zen of Listening, by Rebecca Shafir

See more Conflict Management blogs/vlogs

Organizational Assessments: Measuring Employee Engagement

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 16 Jun 2021 17:31:46 GMT

Organizational Assessments: Using The Q-12

Team Building 101: Addressing Gossip and Negativity

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Mon, 07 Jun 2021 11:16:04 GMT

How to Build Your Team and Handle Loose Lips

Some work environments are filled with gossip and negativity. Many people are uncomfortable with this, and yet do not know how to respond in a way that neither upsets the person gossiping, nor feeds into the cycle. If you find yourself in an environment filled with gossip, try the following:

If someone is gossiping or frequently complains to you try:

1. First empathize with the other person and acknowledge their comments. You might say, “Wow, I can see that this situation is upsetting to you.” This helps you connect with the person, helps them feel heard, and opens them up to other comments you will make.

2. Ask them how you can help. Some people just want to vent, and others want and will expect other things from you. Clarifying what they are looking for in talking with you is a good place to start.

3. Commit to not repeating what you hear or adding comments that fuel the conflict. Negativity and rumors are spread when they are repeated or encouraged.

4. Gage your comfort level listening to them. If you are uncomfortable you might say, “I can see you are really upset with X, and I want to support you in working things out with X. And as a friend of both of yours I don’t think I am the best person to support you.”

5. Return responsibility to them. If they are complaining, you might ask, “What have you tried doing and what else might you try?” Ask how you could support them in addressing it directly or trying to work things out.

6. If they say, “Nothing will work”, ask them what will help them let go of it.

If you are a leader:

1. Do all of the above with the exception of #4. You may have to listen regardless of your comfort level.

2. Frame the issues as a problem and work with them to problem solve.

3. Take some time in a staff meeting to have the group talk about “How complaints are dealt with and how the staff feels about repeating comments that are not respectful of others.” If the group as a whole is uncomfortable with such comments, ask them how they can respond to them in a different way. It will be much more effective if they are developing norms than if you are. You might also offer trainings as to how they can respond in supportive ways that do not feed gossip or negativity.

See more Team Building blogs/vlogs

The CPR Approach to Conflict Management

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Sun, 30 May 2021 20:50:20 GMT

Starting a Difficult Conversation without Starting a Fight

Conflict Management: Working with Assumptions

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Mon, 24 May 2021 14:09:56 GMT

Two Short Stories about Assumptions

Working with Assumptions

A great deal of conflict comes from people looking at the same thing and interpreting it differently. The following two stories illustrate this phenomenon.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see?” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

“So what does that tell you?” asked Sherlock. Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” Holmes was silent for a minute and then spoke. “Watson, you dolt. Some jerk has stolen our tent!”

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a U.S. naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second larges ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north-that’s one-five degrees north or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

See other blogs/vlogs on Conflict Management

Emotional Intelligence as a Key to Conflict Management

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Mon, 17 May 2021 16:34:22 GMT

How EI helps Resolve Conflict

Because emotions often drive conflicts and affect how we both perceive and act, it is critical to gain some control over them. If we do not want to be a slave to our emotions, the first step is to become aware of what we are feeling.

Many of us were strongly discouraged from being in touch with our feelings when we were growing up. When young boys cry, they are told, “It’s all right”, or “Big boys don’t cry”. Young girls are strongly discouraged from showing anger. We learn to bury many of our feelings from the time we are infants.

Louise Senft writes that “self-awareness allows us to be aware of the emotions that stimulate our impulses, enhancing our ability to decide appropriately what to do with such impulses. If we do not develop self-awareness, we are at the mercy of our impulses.” If we want to respond in a thoughtful way, and not react, we must first recognize and acknowledge what is driving us to react.

The next time you are in a difficult conversation ask yourself “What feelings are associated with the situation? Anger? Sadness? Embarrassment? Fear? Jealousy? Frustration? Try to name the full spectrum of emotions. Sit with the feelings a while and try to make peace with them. As uncomfortable as they might feel, reacting to them seldom makes them go away. Rather, our reactions hurt others and start a cycle of pain that we can only break by having the courage to be aware without reacting.

See other blogs/vlogs on Conflict Resolution

What Biking Taught Me About Diversity, Equity and Inclusion

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Tue, 11 May 2021 16:10:41 GMT

Head Winds and Tail Winds

Why Strategic Plans Don't Get Implemented

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Tue, 04 May 2021 12:25:10 GMT

Five Ways to Ensure Your Strategic Plans Aren't Wasted

Opening Lines for Difficult Conversations

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Tue, 27 Apr 2021 13:02:19 GMT

Conflict Management: How to Get Started

While resolving conflicts is more about mind sets and intentions than it is about templates, the following “recipes” can help ensure that you get off on the right footing in a difficult conversation.

· "I am trying to see things from your perspective. Help me understand how you think about . . ..”

· “I am committed to having this conversation until we can come up with a solution that works for both of us. I would like to start by really trying to understand your concerns.”

· “I have been reflecting on our previous interaction and I want to tell you what I think I contributed to the problem and what I learned about myself.”

· “You may be right, but I’d like to understand more. What leads you to believe. . .?”

· “I’m unclear how that connects to what we’ve been saying. Can you say how you see it as important?”

· “When you said (give illustration) . . . I had the impression you were feeling (fill in the emotion). If so, I would like to understand what upset you. Is there something I’ve said or done?”

· “This may be more my problem than your, but when you said (give illustration) . . . I felt . . .. Am I misunderstanding what you said or intended?”

· “My dilemma is that if we move forward with this solution, you will not be happy, but you do not want to continue the conversation. Are there any other options for moving forward that you can think of?”

· “It seems that you have concluded that (state their beliefs as you understand them) . . .. Help me understand what data that conclusion is based on?”

· “What I have observed is (state observations). The conclusions I draw from those observations is (state observations). Do you see any flaws in my reasoning?”

· “When you say such-and-such, I worry that it really means . . .”

· “Here is what I think we agree on, and here is the area that we still are not in agreement on.”

See other posts on Conflict Management

See blogs/vlogs on other OD topics

See our home page

Part of the list is taken from the work of Phillip McArthur and Robert Putnam as written in The Fifth Discipline Field Book, by Senge, Ross, Smith, Roberts and Kleiner, pp. 260 – 263.

Change Management Basics: The People Side of Change

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Fri, 23 Apr 2021 12:54:09 GMT

Paying Attention to the People Side of Change

6 Enablers of Efficiency

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Mon, 12 Apr 2021 13:25:57 GMT

Doing More (Without Less): The Six Enablers of Efficiency

It has become a cliché to say organizations are asking workers to do more with less—which is code for saying they need to work harder. But sometimes, through focusing on six enablers of efficiency, it is possible to work smarter—and do more without working harder. Here is a short explanation of the six enablers of efficiency.

Workflow design is the series of steps, decisions and handoffs needed to complete a task. Work becomes inefficient when too many different units are involved, too many high-level approvals are needed, steps that don’t add value are included, or processes do not have single owners (in the public sector, where work is more siloed, this is common). These factors, and others, can create bottlenecks that impede a streamlined flow. Occasionally groups discover that whole processes can be eliminated because they are redundant or unnecessary. Looking at workflow requires an investment of time, but there is huge potential to increase efficiency (and morale) by analyzing it. (We have other blogs that discuss workflow design in more depth .)
IT looks at ways to automate work. If a process can become paperless, it is usually going to be more efficient. Some of my board development clients keep track of donations in manila folders. They will all save time (and increase donations) by tracking fund-raising on a platform designed to do so.
Human Resources looks at the knowledge, skills and training workers need to do their jobs well. In the example above, if the person tracking donations does not have training in the new tracking system, the person will not be working efficiently.
“Motivation and Measure” is an enabler refers to what is rewarded and what is tracked. I have worked in a few call centers that tracked and rewarded workers for shorter call times. That keeps calls short, but also sometimes leads to callers’ frustration when calls are cut short without giving a caller enough information to resolve the issue. Measuring caller satisfaction as well as call time can usually solve this problem.
Policies and Rules refer to what is allowed or required to conduct a process. A public sector client once told me that downloading free software in that state would take eight months and require 12 to 15 approvals. A few checks and balances make sense, but too many rules kill efficiency and innovation.
The facilities enabler addresses the physical layout as well as lighting and equipment. I once worked for an organization that had 20,000 files client files in the basement. As the number of files grew, the organization no longer could keep them in A-to-Z order. It took a new person 20 to 30 minutes to find any new file. (Eventually, they went paperless.)

If you want a happier workforce that feels they’re producing meaningful work, have them work smarter, not harder, by incorporating the six enablers of efficiency.

See other posts on Improving Efficiency

Board Development: Finances Part II

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Tue, 06 Apr 2021 14:30:17 GMT

Simplified Financial Reporting for Board Development

Board Development: Understanding Board Finances

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 31 Mar 2021 13:47:12 GMT

Board Development 101: Show me the Money

Why "I" Statements Sometimes Don't Work

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 24 Mar 2021 13:06:32 GMT

Moving Beyond "I Statements": A Conflict Management Technique

“I” statements are commonly taught in communications trainings as a way to communicate feelings without blaming the other person. The formula is usually stated as, “I feel (name emotion), when you (describe behavior)”. Sometimes a request is added onto the statement.

While sometimes useful, this formula can be just a more sophisticated way of blaming the other person. Here are four reasons “I” statements sometimes don’t work.

1. After we say, “I feel”, we often don’t express a feeling. For example, “I feel this is stupid”, or “I feel like you don’t care”, or “I feel you lack some skills to do the job” are not feelings—they are judgements. Other judgments we might confuse with emotions are: “I feel betrayed”, or “I feel misunderstood”. Saying “I feel betrayed” is really saying, “You betrayed me”. The feeling underneath this statement (perhaps anger or hurt) are not communicated.

2. Often “descriptions” of the other person’s behavior are subjective evaluations or judgments. For example, “When you leave the kitchen a mess . . .” is an evaluation/judgement. But “When you don’t wash your breakfast dishes . . .” is an observation neutrally stated.

3. When we use “I” statements the focus is on our feelings. We own that it is our problem. No one can make us feel anything. By accepting that our feelings are our own problem, we make it less likely that others will become defensive. When we think others are responsible for our feelings, they get defensive.

4. Effective use of “I” statements assumes the other party cares about our feelings both in general and at this moment in time. If they are feeling stronger feelings than we are they may not be able to listen to our feelings at this moment. If that is the case, acknowledging their feelings will be more effective than stating your feelings.

If “I” statements are to be effective, we need to not blame others for our feelings and communicate skillfully. Only then is this an effective communication tool.

See our video on the same topic

See other relevant blogs/vlogs :

The Feelings Conversation

Emotional Intelligence as a Key to Conflict Management

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Assessments 101: Surveys Made Simple--The Net Promoter Tool

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Thu, 18 Mar 2021 13:39:35 GMT

Surveys Made Simple

Strategic Plans Ain't What They Used to Be.

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Tue, 09 Mar 2021 16:40:18 GMT

Strategic Planning in the Era of COVID

“The future ain’t what it used to be”, Yogi Berra once said. In the era of COVID, this has never been truer. The world is radically different than it was only a year ago. This change, coupled with the fact that successful organizations sometimes fail because the world changes and they don’t change with it, creates strategic challenges for organizations.

Over the last month, several current and potential clients have asked me what I thought about them using their current strategic plans as a template for a new plan. They were exploring “updating” their current plan rather than starting from scratch.

While there are good arguments to be made for scaling back strategic planning efforts in 2021—limited bandwidth being tops among them—ignoring ways the world has changed can be a strategic mistake. “The future ain’t what it used to be” and your strategic plan shouldn’t be either.

See more Strategic Planning blogs/vlogs

10 Ways to Improve Your Zoom Participants Experience

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Mon, 01 Mar 2021 21:42:49 GMT

Improving Zooming

There is no stronger trend over the last year than online meetings (Zoom stock is up almost 500%). Despite days spent in online meetings, there is still a lot to learn. What follows are ten lessons learned about online meetings and trainings:

1. Don’t forget to look at the camera. Unfortunately, most of us look at the screen so we can see others but forget to look at the camera so they can see us. Remember that both are important.

2. Lighting matters. Avoid back lighting and try to have a soft light in front of you.

3. Encourage everyone to keep their videos on. While sometimes bandwidth is an issue—or people don’t want you to see them with salad in their teeth—generally meetings go better if videos are on. Make this a group norm.

4. Have a hot-spot backup in case your internet connection is glitchy.

5. Request that participants download the latest version of the platforms. Zoom is constantly coming out with updates that include new features—like allowing participants choose their own breakout rooms (rather than be assigned).

6. Use breakout rooms frequently to promote engagement.

7. Use the MVP rule: Minimally Viable PowerPoint. PowerPoint is rarely engaging. Engagement is even more important when working from a distance.

8. To combat Zoom fatigue:

a. Take more frequent breaks

b. Keep meetings short by expanding pre-meeting work

c. Encourage toggling between gallery and speaker views

9. Consider interactive engagement platforms to compliment Zoom or Teams. Personally, I love Mentimeter and use Google Slides at times to facilitate group planning. Zoom’s whiteboard also allows some interactive features.

10. Have a backup facilitator ready to take over in case you lose your connection.

See more training blogs/vlogs.

See more facilitation blogs/vlogs.

Board Development: Board Recruitment (Part II)

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 24 Feb 2021 14:01:38 GMT

How to Recruit and Retain Your Board

Board Development: Board Recruitment Part I

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 17 Feb 2021 12:18:44 GMT

How to Recruit and Retain Board Members

Board Development: Using Board Calendars as a Tool

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 10 Feb 2021 14:40:02 GMT

This short (1:47) video discusses board calendars--a simple yet effective tool for boards to ensure better agenda planning and succession when there is board turnover. You can create one in ten minutes--and if you haven't, you should.

Team Building Basics: The Importance of Trust (Part II)

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 03 Feb 2021 12:47:05 GMT

Trust is like the air--we don't notice it until it is gone. This short (3:59) video describes four types of trust and how to build trust. It is an essential tool for team building, conflict management and good leadership.

Understanding and Building Trust -- Part I

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 27 Jan 2021 13:55:55 GMT

Learn how we sometimes break trust unintentionally

Separating Impact from Intentions--Tips for Difficult Conversations

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 20 Jan 2021 18:54:53 GMT

Tips for Difficult (and Diversity) Conversations

5 Common Mistakes of Strategic Planning

Wed, 13 Jan 2021 17:09:43 GMT

Avoid Common Strategic Planning Errors

1. Trying to do everything at the expense of a focused strategy.

Strategy is as much about what we say “no” to as it is about what we say “yes” to. Some of us are perfectionists and a lot of things can seem important. But a long list of things to do is not a strategy—it is just a long to-do list. Good strategy focuses on doing a few things well while letting go of many others.

2. Not gathering and synthesizing data before beginning the planning process.

Most of us have a limited capacity for meetings and process. We want to get stuff done. It is usually much more efficient to gather and synthesize data before a strategic planning session than trying to do so during a meeting. When data is gathered first, stakeholders can use their strategic planning time to discuss and interpret the data. People generally feel that this is a better use of their time.

3. Failing to consider the capacity to implement the plan.

When creating a strategic plan, someone must ask, “Who is going to do that?” If no one has the capacity to take on a task’s implementation, the plan must be scaled back. Making a plan that can’t be, or won’t be, implemented is a colossal waste of time.

4. Failing to address the impact of organizational culture on major change initiatives.

Organizations, like objects, have momentum. From my high-school science classes, I remember that “an object in motion tends to stay in motion.” Major shifts in organizational direction do not happen easily. If major changes are necessary, a change management plan is essential.

5. Focusing exclusively on overcoming weaknesses while ignoring strengths.

Many of us like to fix things. We tend to focus on what is not working rather than what is working. We think, “If it’s already working well, why should we focus on it?” The reason we should focus on what works is that leveraging strengths in new ways is so much easier than overcoming weaknesses. And given the limited bandwidth most of us operate with, easier is usually better.

See more Strategic Planning blogs/vlogs.

Generational Differences: The Divide is Increasing

Wed, 06 Jan 2021 15:07:48 GMT

Generational Differences can Create Tension

For the last ten years, I've been watching generational values clash in the workplace. Baby Boomers, who often dictate the culture, generally value stability, hierarchy, authority and work ethic; Generation X values independence, balance and self-starters; Millennial value purpose, informality, fun, technology and efficiency. This can lead to Boomers complaining that the young workers "don't have a work ethic" while the younger workers complain that the Boomers are "stuck in the past" and are "work-a-holics". As if this were not enough, a fourth generation is entering the workforce: Generation Z. While we are still learning about Generation Z, they came of age during the Great Recession, and seem to value financial security as well as technology. True diversity is learning to not just tolerate, but to value, what those who are different from us value. Currently, I'm helping several organizations understand and respond to generational diversity. As an additional resource, I'm attaching a link to recent Wall Street Journal article exploring the ways in which different generations are impacting family foundations.

See more blogs/vlogs on Generational Differences

Tips for Difficult Conversations: A Mindset of Curiosity

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 30 Dec 2020 20:18:38 GMT

A Mindset of Curiosity

Diversity 101: The Platinum Rule

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 30 Dec 2020 19:44:35 GMT

The Platinum Rule

Most of us were taught to follow the Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would have them do onto you. While this rule is helpful in many situations, frequently people do not want to be treated the way we would. Therefore, I teach the Platinum Rule goes one step further by asking us to “Do unto others as they would have us do unto them.”

In my conflict management and team building work I daily see the importance of moving from the Golden Rule which is self-referential, to the Platinum Rule which recognizes that everyone is different. For example, personally I usually don’t get upset when others interrupt me. However, recently while consulting on a project with an African American woman, I realized that when she is interrupted by a white man it impacts her in a totally different way than the same behavior would impact me. It is not accurate or helpful for me to assume that interrupting others is usually okay because it doesn’t bother me. In this case, the Golden Rule would actually cause harm.

Other ways people might want to be treated differently than we do include how directly they want to be communicated with, how they want to receive feedback, what builds and breaks trust for them, and how much they want to be consulted about organizational decisions that might impact them. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of ways we want to be treated that are different from each other. Following the Golden Rule ignores these differences. It is not safe to assume that others want to be treated as we do.

So to build a strong team, remember the Platinum Rule—Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.

See more Diversity blogs/vlogs

Key Conflict Management Concept: Both/And Thinking

Greg@ReGenerationResources.org (Greg Hessel) — Wed, 30 Dec 2020 18:57:19 GMT

This short (2:45) video presents a key framework to better manage difficult conversations.

See more Conflict Management blogs/vlogs .

Conflict Management 101: Win/Win or No Deal

Sun, 25 Oct 2020 16:42:45 GMT

We hear a lot about creating win/win solutions. But most of us are not particularly good at doing it. As a demonstration of this when I am training, I sometimes take out two five-dollar bills. I ask people to pair up and offer to give the money to the first two people who can convince the person they are paired up with to stand behind their chair. Usually, within 15 or 20 seconds a few people have someone standing behind their chairs, and I give them the two five-dollar bills. These people won, but the person they convinced to stand up lost. Sometimes the pairs agree to split the money, which some people think is creating win/win – but it is not. Splitting the money is getting each person a half of what they could have gotten.

Win/win in this situation would involve each person in the pair getting up and standing behind the other’s chair. But in being so committed to getting what we want as individuals, we don’t focus on the fact that we can help the other person get what they want also. Frequently both parties can get all of what they want.

As Stephan Covey says in Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “Win/Win is not a technique; it’s a total philosophy of human interaction.” But we don’t know how to get to win/win because, as Covey writes, “Most people have been deeply scripted in the Win/Lose mentality since birth.”

To get to Win/Win we must be curious and listen carefully to the other person. We must be able to assess whether our needs are mutually exclusive, or if we can both get what we want. It often necessitates backing away from specific solutions to inquire into what is most important to the other person. Interestingly, people do not often lead with what is most important to them.

A woman I once worked with entered a post-divorce mediation asking for custody to be changed so that the children would not have to visit their father. The woman insisted on this change because the children had not been getting along with their father. What she (and the father) really wanted however, was for the father and the children to heal their relationship. After some negotiation, the woman agreed to let the father pursue some counseling with the children. After a few sessions, they had worked many of their problems out. In this Win/Win example, everyone got what they wanted – although for the women, what she most wanted was different from what she initially demanded.

To get to Win/Win we need to stay curious about what the other person wants and we need to commit to solving our own problems and the issues that are important to the other person. We must, as Steven Covey says, commit to win/win or no deal.

See more Conflict Management blogs/vlogs

Difficult Conversation Tips When Communicating with E-Mail

Sun, 18 Oct 2020 16:47:17 GMT

In difficult conversations many of us feel more comfortable writing out what we want to say rather than speaking directly to the other person. The advantage of doing this is that we tend to feel safer, and we can be very thoughtful about what we write. However, there are also some disadvantages to writing and sending emails. First, an estimated 93 percent of communication is nonverbal. Therefore, if there is not trust, those receiving the message will almost always spin it in the worst possible way. Furthermore, as author Bill Ury, writes: “The other thing to keep in mind is the nature of “reply” buttons. I’ve noticed that …. people instantly hit “reply” – or worse yet they hit “reply all” – and the messages have escalatory effects on office conflicts, personal conflicts, and so on. So, it’s very important to hit “draft”—and then wait twenty-four hours and ask yourself: “Is this message really going to advance my interests, my purpose in this situation.”

See more Conflict Management blogs/vlogs

Active Listening: A Conflict Management Skill or a Mindset?

Sun, 11 Oct 2020 16:48:38 GMT

Most people are familiar with the skills of active listening that were developed by Carl Rogers over 50 years ago. Rogers asserted that when people actively listen, which includes paraphrasing, asking appropriate questions and keeping eye contact; they improve communication and diffuse conflict. What is less well known however, is that Rogers believed that there were three critical parts to active listening which he called congruence, empathy and unconditional positive regard.

Congruence is being authentic and being comfortable with your own feelings as well as those of the other. It also involves the self-knowledge to know what you feel and value. For Rogers, active listening was impossible if one did not have this self-awareness.

Empathy involves feeling with another person. It is different from sympathy which can be thought of as feeling sorry for another and can unintentionally be disempowering for the speaker.

Unconditional positive regard involves a mindset of totally accepting the other person and what they are feeling at the moment. In Points of Influence, Morley Segal gives an example of what this acceptance might look like. If “an angry child tells a parent, ‘I hate you’, the parent may respond, ‘You shouldn’t talk to me that way’. Or the parent could say, ‘It doesn’t make me feel good to hear you say that, but I understand your angry feelings.’” In the first example the parent communicated that what the child was feeling was not acceptable. In the second example they accepted the child and what the child was feeling and accepted and named what they were feeling.

These three mindsets go well beyond making eye contact and parroting what the other person is saying. Active listening can be a powerful tool in resolving conflicts, but if we are judging the other person or unable to feel with them, the results will be very limiting. If you want to improve your effectiveness in active listening, remember to empathize, accept, and be authentic yourself.

See more Conflict Management blogs/vlogs